The Project Gutenberg EBook of John Leech's Pictures of Life and
Character, Volume 1 (of 3), by John Leech

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Title: John Leech's Pictures of Life and Character, Volume 1 (of 3)
       From the Collection of "Mr. Punch"

Author: John Leech

Release Date: July 21, 2014 [EBook #46349]

Language: English

Character set encoding: UTF-8

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JOHN LEECH'S PICTURES OF LIFE ***




Produced by Chris Curnow, Wayne Hammond and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
file was produced from images generously made available
by The Internet Archive)

A LATE ARRIVAL.

"FANCY BALL, SIR! NO, SIR! MISSUS'S FANCY BALL, SIR, WERE LAST TOOSDAY, SIR."

SNUFFED OUT.

"MY EYE, TOMMY! IF 'ERE AIN'T THE SCOTCHMAN HOUT OF THE SNUFF SHOP A TAKIN' A WALK."

THE TEST OF GALLANTRY.

Conductor. "WILL ANY GENT BE SO GOOD AS FOR TO TAKE THIS YOUNG LADY IN HIS LAP?"

ENCOURAGING.

Old Gentleman. "I WANT SOME SHAVING SOAP, MY GOOD LAD."

Boy. "YES, SIR, HERE'S AN HARTICLE I CAN RECOMMEND, FOR I ALWAYS USE IT MYSELF!"

TAKING IT COOLLY.

Old Gent. "NOW, THEN, CABMAN, HOW MUCH TO THE STRAND?"

Cabman. "SIX SHILLIN'!"

Old Gent. "THAT'S TOO MUCH."

Cabman. "WELL: WHAT YOU PLEASE! IT'S TOO HOT TO DISPUTE ABOUT TRIFLES."

DID YOU EVER?

Old Gentleman (politely). "OH, CONDUCTOR! I SHALL FEEL GREATLY OBLIGED TO YOU IF YOU WOULD PROCEED, FOR I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT IN THE STRAND, AND I AM AFRAID I SHALL BE TOO LATE."

Conductor (slamming the door). "GO ON, JIM! HERE'S AN OLD COVE A CUSSIN AND A SWEARING LIKE ANY THINK!!!

PROPRIETY.

PERSONS REPRESENTED. SARAH-JANE. MATILDA.

Scene—Camblin Town.

Sarah-Jane. "OH! YOU 'ORRID DREADFUL STORY! I DIDN'T."

Matilda. "YOU DID NOW, FOR I SEE HIM. I SEE HIM KISS YER. AND HERE HAVE I BIN ENGAGED TO TOMMY PRICE FOR YEARS, AND NEVER SO MUCH AS WALKED ARM-IN-ARM WITH HIM!"

A COURT DRESS.

"OH! JUST AIN'T PEOPLE PROUD WHAT HAVE GOT PAIRASOLES!"

A VALUABLE ANIMAL.

Gentleman (fond of dogs). "SAGACIOUS? OH, VERY! WHY, HE NEVER SEES AN OLD GENTLEMAN, BUT HE PULLS OFF HIS HAT AND RUNS AWAY WITH IT. HE'LL FETCH A DUCK OFF A POND; AND HE'S SUCH A NOTION OF TAKING CARE OF HIMSELF THAT HE COSTS ME FULL A GUINEA A WEEK FOR THE LEGS OF MUTTON HE STEALS."

CRUEL!

Snob. "'AVE A CIGAR, COACHEE?"

Swell Busman. "NO, THANKEE—I ONLY SMOKE TOBACCER!"

FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE.

Policeman. "HA! THAT'S THE WAY YOU DRINK THE BEER WHEN YOU'RE SENT OF A HERRAND?"

Genius. "AND THE RIGHT WAY TOO—AIN'T IT?"

THE JOYS OF OCEAN.

Smith. "WELL, BROWN! THIS IS BETTER THAN BEING STEWED UP IN A RAILWAY! EH?"

Brown (faintly). "OH—IM-MEASURABLY SU-PERIOR."

UNFEELING OBSERVATION.

Vulgar Little Boy. "OH, LOOK HERE, BILL! HERE'S A POOR BOY BIN AND HAD THE HINFLUENZA, AND NOW HE'S BROKE OUT ALL OVER BUTTONS AND RED STRIPES."

IN FOR IT.

"HALLO, SIR! ARE YOU AWARE YOU'RE TRESPASSING THERE?"

ALARMING SYMPTOMS AFTER EATING BOILED BEEF AND GOOSEBERRY PIE.

Little Boy. "OH, LOR, MAR, I FEEL JUST EXACTLY AS IF MY JACKET WAS BUTTONED."

VERY FINE FRUIT.

Newspaper Boy (reads). "A GENTLEMAN IN THE N-E-I-G-H—NEIGHBOURHOOD OF——, HAS AT THE PRESENT TIME SEVERAL E-NORMOUS GOOSEBERRIES IN HIS GARDEN, WHICH MEASURE TEN INCHES IN C-I-R-CIR C-U-M-CUM F-E-R-FER E-N-C-E-ENCE CIRCUMFERENCE, AND ARE OF THE A-S-AS ASTON ASTONISHING WEIGHT OF THREE HOUNCES HEACH."

His Friend. "OH, WHAT WHOPPERS! WOULDN'T I LIKE A PINT!"

A PHILOSOPHER.

Harriet. "ST! ST! ST! DEAR ME, NOW, I'VE BROKEN MY COMB, AND ALL MY BACK HAIR'S COME DOWN. WHAT WITH BRUSHING, AND DRESSING, AND CURLING, AND ONE THING AND THE OTHER, WHAT A PLAGUE ONE'S HAIR IS TO BE SURE!"

Young Fellow. "WELL, HARRIET, WE ARE ALL BOTHERED WITH SOMETHING. LOOK AT US MEN; WE HAVE TO SHAVE EVERY MORNING, SUMMER AND WINTER!"

MATERNAL SOLICITUDE.

Mamma. "GEORGINA! GEORGINA!"

Georgina. "WELL, MA. HOW YOU DO FIDGET ONE!" Mamma. "SHOULDERS, MY LOVE; SHOULDERS! PRAY HOLD YOURSELF UP. YOU'RE STOOPING AGAIN DREADFULLY."

FANCY PORTRAIT.

THE INDIVIDUAL WHO SENDS A FIFTY-POUND NOTE FOR UNPAID INCOME-TAX TO THE CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER.

VERY FINE TALKING!

"NOW, THEN, SIR, JUMP UP ON THE ROOF, AND LOOK SHARP, PLEASE, SIR, HERE'S T'OTHER BUS A-COMING."

HOW TO SUIT THE TASTE.

Waiter. "GENT IN NO. 4 LIKES A HOLDER AND A THINNER WINE, DOES HE? I WONDER HOW HE'LL LIKE THIS BIN?"

MAKING THE MOST OF IT.

AN AFFAIR OF IMPORTANCE.

Harriet. "OH! I'M SO GLAD YOU ARE COME, BLANCHE! I'VE BEEN SO PERPLEXED I COULD SCARCELY SLEEP ALL NIGHT."

Blanche. "WELL! WHAT IS IT, DEAR?"

Harriet. "WHY, I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO HAVE MY NEW MERINO FROCK VIOLET OR DARK BLUE!"

A LONDON GENT ABROAD.

Scene—A Café in Paris.

London Gent. "GARCONG! TAS DE CORFEE!"

Garçon. "BIEN, M'SIEU'—VOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE ZEE 'TIMES'?"

London Gent. "HANG THE FELLER! NOW, I WONDER HOW THE DOOSE HE FOUND OUT I WAS AN ENGLISHMAN!"

SYMPTOMS OF WET WEATHER.

Tom. "HOLLO, SAM, WHAT THE JUICE ARE YOU CARRYING OF?"

Sam. "'CLARISSA ARLO,' FOR MISSIS."

PITY THE SORROWS OF THE POOR POLICE.

"LOR, SOOSAN! HOW'S A FELLER TO EAT MEAT SUCH WEATHER AS THIS? NOW, A BIT O' PICKLED SALMON AND COWCUMBER, OR A LOBSTER SALAD MIGHT DO."

THE DERBY EPIDEMIC.

GENTLEMEN,

OWING TO SUDDEN AND VERY SEVERE INDISPOSITION, I REGRET TO SAY THAT I SHALL NOT BE ABLE TO ATTEND THE OFFICE TO-DAY. I HOPE, HOWEVER, TO BE ABLE TO RESUME MY DUTIES TO-MORROW.

I AM, GENTLEMEN,
YOURS VERY OBEDIENTLY,
PHILIP COX.

HOW TO GET RID OF A GRATIS PATIENT.

"SO YOU'VE TAKEN ALL YOUR STUFF, AND DON'T FEEL ANY BETTER, EH? WELL, THEN, WE MUST ALTER THE TREATMENT; YOU MUST GET YOUR HEAD SHAVED; AND IF YOU WILL CALL HERE TO-MORROW ABOUT ELEVEN, MY PUPIL HERE WILL PUT A SETON IN THE BACK OF YOUR NECK."

THE FISH DINNER.

"THE WHITEBAIT SEEM VERY LARGE, WAITER?"

"YES, SIR; VERY FINE AT PRESENT, SIR."

A HIGHLAND GAME IN A LONDON STREET.

PORTRAIT OF THE BOY WHO WON THE PRIZE FOR "PUTTING A STONE" THROUGH A WINDOW.

PRODIGIOUS!

Schoolmistress. "YOU SEE, MY LOVE—IF I PUNCTURE THIS INDIA-RUBBER BALL IT WILL COLLAPSE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

Child. "OH, YES, I UNDERSTAND—IF YOU PRICK IT, IT WILL GO SQUASH."

BLESS THE BOY!

Old Lady. "NOW, ARTHUR, WHICH WILL YOU HAVE? SOME OF THIS NICE PUDDING, OR SOME JAM TART?"

Juvenile. "NO PASTRY, THANK-YE, AUNT. IT SPOILS ONE'S WINE SO. I DON'T MIND A DEVILLED BISCUIT, THO', BY-AND-BY, WITH MY CLARET."

(Old Lady turns all manner of colours.

HOOKING AND EYEING.

Angelina (the Wife of his Bussum). "WELL, EDWIN, IF YOU CAN'T MAKE THE 'THINGS,' AS YOU CALL THEM, MEET, YOU NEED NOT SWEAR SO. IT'S REALLY QUITE DREADFUL."

A GAY YOUNG FELLOW.

Young Rapid. "YOU ARE QUITE SURE THIS IS THE CORRECT DRESS FOR A YOUNG FELLOW OF THAT PERIOD, EH?"

Mr. Noses. "OH, PERFECTLY CORRECT, SIR; AND REALLY LOOKS SPLENDID ON YER!"

"DE GUSTIBUS," &c., &c.

Snip. "THAT'S A SWEET THING FOR A WAISTCOAT, SIR, AND WOULD LOOK UNCOMMON WELL UPON YOU, SIR!"

JEALOUSY.

Betrothed (who does not dance the Polka). "I SHOULD LIKE TO PUNCH HIS HEAD—A CONCEITED BEAST!"

SPECULATORS.

"THIS AIN'T SUCH A WERRY BAD IDEA, IS IT, JIM? HERE'S THE GREAT DIDDLESEX WRITES TO ME FOR FIVE BOB ON A HUNDRED AN' FIFTY SHARES; AND, TO SAVE TROUBLE, VANTS THE NAME OF MY SOLICITUR."

A PROFESSIONAL MAN.

Medical Student. "WELL, OLD FELLOW, SO YOU'VE 'PASSED' AT LAST."

Consulting Surgeon. "YES; BUT I DON'T GET MUCH PRACTICE, SOMEHOW—ALTHOUGH I AM NEARLY ALWAYS AT HOME, IN CASE ANY ONE SHOULD CALL."

INTERESTING SCENE DURING THE CANVASS FOR MR. ——. NOT A HUNDRED MILES FROM ——.

Wife of Free and Independent. "OH! AIN'T HE A HAFFABLE GENTLEMAN, TUMMUS?"

Free and Independent. "AH! JUST AIN'T 'UN. I SHOULDN'T WONDER IF I WARN'T ABLE TO PAY MY RENT TO-MORRER!"

MURDER WILL OUT.

Mrs. Smith. "IS MRS. BROWN IN?"

Jane. "NO, MEM, SHE'S NOT AT HOME."

Little Girl. "OH! WHAT A HORRID STORY, JANE! MA'S IN THE KITCHEN, HELPING COOK!"

DOING A LITTLE BILL.

"YOU SEE, OLD BOY, IT'S THE MEREST FORM IN THE WORLD. YOU HAVE ONLY TO—WHAT THEY CALL—ACCEPT IT, AND I'LL FIND THE MONEY WHEN IT COMES DUE."

Victim. "COME ALONG—GIVE US THE PEN."

A PLEASANT STREET GAME.

Old Gent. "CONFOUND THE BOYS AND THEIR TOPS! WHERE ARE THE POLICE?"

SOMETHING LIKE A HOLIDAY.

Pastrycook. "WHAT HAVE YOU HAD, SIR?"

Boy. "I'VE HAD TWO JELLIES, SEVEN OF THEM, AND ELEVEN OF THEM, AND SIX OF THOSE, AND FOUR BATH BUNS, A SAUSAGE ROLL, TEN ALMOND CAKES, AND A BOTTLE OF GINGER BEER."

GREAT WANT OF VENERATION.

Puer loquitur. "I SAY LOBSTER, SHALL I GO AND FETCH YOU A CAB?"

DOMESTIC BLISS.

Paterfamilias. "I CANNOT CONCEIVE, MY LOVE, WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH MY WATCH; I THINK IT MUST WANT CLEANING."

Pet Child. "OH, NO! PAPA DEAR! I DON'T THINK IT WANTS CLEANING, BECAUSE BABY AND I HAD IT WASHING IN THE BASIN FOR EVER SO LONG THIS MORNING!"

THE FASHIONS.

A FRIENDLY HINT TO YOUNG LADIES WHO WEAR THOSE DEAR DELIGHTFUL BARÈGE DRESSES. ALWAYS LET THE SLIP (OR WHATEVER THE MYSTERIOUS GARMENT IS CALLED) BE AS LONG AS THE OUTER DRESS!

INNOCENCE.

"OH, SIR! NO, SIR! PLEASE, SIR, IT AIN'T ME, SIR! IT'S THE OTHER BOYS, SIR!"

UNLUCKY.

"VAT'S THE MATTER, EH?"

"OH, THERE'S ALWAYS A SOMETHINK! VY, I'VE BIN AND LEFT MY HOPERA-GLASS IN A CAB NOW."

EVENING PARTIES.

"BILL, YOU GOES OUT A GOOD DEAL.—TELL US, IS IT THE KERRECT THING TO TAKE ONE'S 'AT INTO A HEVENING PARTY?"

A DELICIOUS MORSEL.

Jacky. "HALLO, TOMMY! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE?"

Tommy. "HOYSTER."

Jacky. "OH! GIVE US A BIT."

DIFFERENT PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS.

Flunkey. "APOLLO? HAH! I DESSAY IT'S VERY CHEAP, BUT IT AIN'T MY IDEER OF A GOOD FIGGER!"

OUR NATIONAL DEFENCES.

Small Briton. "THE FRENCH INVADE US, INDEED! AND WHAT SHOULD WE BE ABOUT ALL THE TIME?—WHY, WE SHOULD RISE LIKE ONE MAN!"

GENTEEL PRACTICE.

Apprentice. "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, SHALL I FILL UP MRS. TWADDLE'S DRAUGHTS WITH WATER?"

Practitioner. "DEAR, DEAR ME, MR. BUMPS, HOW OFTEN MUST I MENTION THE SUBJECT? WE NEVER USE WATER—Aqua destillata, IF YOU PLEASE!"

THE GOOD LITTLE BOY.

Bathing Woman. "MASTER FRANKY WOULDN'T CRY! NO! NOT HE!—HE'LL COME TO HIS MARTHA, AND BATHE LIKE A MAN!"

MAL-APROPOS.

Gentleman (in Shower-Bath). "HOLLO! HOLLO! WHO'S THERE? WHAT THE DEUCE DO YOU WANT?"

Maid. "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, HERE'S THE BUTCHER, AND MISSUS SAYS WHAT WILL YOU HAVE FOR DINNER TO-DAY?"

WE ALL HAVE OUR TROUBLES.

Sister Mary. "WHY, CHARLEY, DEAR BOY, WHAT'S THE MATTER? YOU SEEM QUITE MISERABLE!"

Charley. "AH! AIN'T I JUST! HERE'S MA' SAYS I MUST WEAR TURN-DOWN COLLARS TILL CHRISTMAS, AND THERE'S YOUNG SIDNEY BOWLER (WHO'S NOT HALF SO TALL AS I AM) HAS HAD STICK-UPS AND WHITE CHOKERS FOR EVER SO LONG!"

THE RULING PASSION.

"NOW, TELL ME, DEAR, IS THERE ANYTHING NEW IN THE FASHIONS?"

NOTHING LIKE WARM BATHING.

"HOLLO! HI! HERE! SOMEBODY! I'VE TURNED ON THE HOT WATER, AND I CAN'T TURN IT OFF AGAIN!"

PROPER PRIDE.

A SKETCH AT A RAILWAY STATION.

JUST THE MAN.

"PLEASE, SIR, DID YOU WANT ANYBODY TO KEEP ORDER ON THESE HERE HUSTINGS ON POLLING DAY?"

A REGULAR CUSTOMER.

"HA'PENNY CANDLE, PLEASE, AND BE QUICK, FOR MOTHER WANTS HER TEA."

"OH, YES, OF COURSE, MISS; COULD WE SEND IT ANYWHERE FOR YER?"

ALARMING INTELLIGENCE.

Swell Mobsman (reads). "'ARRANGEMENTS ARE MAKING TO CONNECT ALL THE POLICE OFFICES WITH THE ELECTRIC TELEGRAPH.' WELL, I HAM BLOWED!"

TAKING CHANGE.

Conductor. "ALL RIGHT, JIM. PUSH ALONG, I'VE SERVED THE OLD GAL OUT THIS TIME."

Old Lady. "HERE, STOP! CONDUCTOR! I WON'T TAKE CHANGE FOR A FIVE-SHILLING PIECE IN HALF-PENCE—THAT I WON'T! HERE, POLICE! CONDUCTOR!" &C.

THE INTERESTING STORY.

First Ticket Porter. "AND SO, YOU KNOW, THAT'S ALL I KNOWS ABOUT IT."

Second Ticket Porter. "WELL! I DON'T KNOW AS EVER I KNOWED A MAN AS KNOWS AS MUCH AS YOU KNOWS."

MUCH TOO CONSIDERATE.

Robinson. "THERE, BROWN, MY BOY, THAT'S AS FINE A GLASS OF WINE AS YOU CAN GET ANYWHERE."

Mrs. Brown. "A-HEM! AUGUSTUS, MY DE-AR. YOU ARE SURELY NEVER GOING TO TAKE PORT WINE? YOU KNOW IT NEVER AGREES WITH YOU, MY LOVE!"

GALLANTRY.

LA MODE.

Gus (who is always so full of his nonsense). "DASH MY BUTTONS, ELLEN! THAT'S A STUNNING WAISTCOAT. I WISH YOU'D GIVE US YOUR TAILOR'S ADDRESS."

Ellen. "DON'T YOU BE RUDE, SIR—AND TAKE YOUR ARMS OFF THE PIANO."

A FASHION IN PINS.

"A PIN FOR YOUR SCARF, SIR? HERE'S AN ARTICLE WE HAVE SOLD A GREAT MANY OF."

No. IX.

ENVELOPE CONTAINING THE BUILDER'S LITTLE ACCOUNT AGAINST MR. BRIGGS—MUCH TOO SERIOUS TO JEST UPON.

No. X.

THE UNSETTLED STATE OF THE HOUSE FOR THE LAST TWO MONTHS HAS SO DISORDERED BRIGGS, THAT HIS MEDICAL ADVISER RECOMMENDS A LITTLE HORSE EXERCISE BY WAY OF A CHANGE, AND HIS EQUESTRIAN PLEASURES BEGIN.

SOMETHING LIKE A BROTHER.

Flora. "THAT'S A VERY PRETTY WAISTCOAT, EMILY!"

Emily. "YES, DEAR. IT BELONGS TO MY BROTHER CHARLES. WHEN HE GOES OUT OF TOWN HE PUTS ME ON THE FREE-LIST, AS HE CALLS IT, OF HIS WARDROBE. ISN'T IT KIND?"

A DUMB WAITER.

Old Gentleman. "WHAT THE DEUCE IS THE REASON, SIR, YOU DON'T ANSWER WHEN YOU ARE CALLED?"

(The reason is obvious. The poor child has his mouth full of green peas and jam tart.)

THE LOST ONE.

Boy. "IF YOU PLEASE, M', WAS YOU A LOOKING FOR A LITTLE DOG?"

Young Ladies. "YES! OH, YES!"

Boy. "WAS IT A SPANNEL, MUM?"

Young Ladies. "OH, YES! A MOST BEAUTIFUL LITTLE SPANIEL, WITH VERY LONG EARS."

Boy. "AH, THEN, MUM, IT'S THE SAME AS FLEW AT MASTER'S BIG DOG HERE, WOT'S BIN AND SWALLERED OF IT."

POP.

APPALLING RESULT OF INCAUTIOUSLY TAKING TOO MUCH SODA TO CORRECT ACIDITY.

REAL ENJOYMENT.

Annie. "GOOD-BYE, DEAR, YOU MUST COME AGAIN SOON, AND SPEND A GOOD LONG DAY, AND THEN I CAN SHOW YOU ALL MY NEW THINGS."

Clara. "OH! THAT WILL BE NICE! GOOD-BYE, DEAR." (Kiss and exit.)

THE RISING GENERATION.

Clever Juvenile (loq.). "SHAKSPEARE? POOH! FOR MY PART I CONSIDER SHAKSPEARE A MUCH OVER-RATED MAN."

AN EXCELLENT WINE.

"THE BEST OF CLARET IS, THAT YOU MAY DRINK ANY (hic) QUANTITY YOU LIKE, WITHOUT FEELING ILL."

WHAT IS THIS?

QUITE A NEW SENSATION FOR THE LUXURIOUS, ON COLD MORNINGS. "USE HOT WATER, AND LOOK AT YOUR SHOWER-BATH!"

DOMESTIC BLISS.

Time, half-past three; thermometer 30°.

William. "WHAT A VIOLENT RINGING THERE IS AT THE STREET-DOOR BELL!"

Maria. "OH! I KNOW WHAT IT IS, DEAR. IT'S THE SWEEPS· AND I DARE SAY THE GIRLS DON'T HEAR. JUST RUN UP AND KNOCK AT THEIR ROOM DOOR."

MEN OF BUSINESS.

MONEY.—WANTED FROM £300 TO £400 TO BRING FORWARD AN ARTICLE THAT MUST IN A FEW YEARS REALISE A HANDSOME FORTUNE TO THE PROPRIETORS. TO ANY YOUNG MAN WHO IS NOT OF BUSINESS HABITS, WITH THE ABOVE SUM AT COMMAND, THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR INVESTMENT SELDOM MET WITH. REFERENCES EXCHANGED.—NO PROFESSED MONEY-LENDER NEED APPLY.

ANGLERS HEAR STRANGE THINGS.

Piscator. "ARE THERE ANY BARBEL ABOUT HERE, GOV'NOR?"

Host. "ANY BARBEL ABOUT HERE!! I SHOULD RAYTHER THINK THERE WAS A FEW; HERE'S THE PICTUR O' WUN MY LITTLE BOY KETCHED JUST HOPPOSIT."

THE ALDERMAN'S ADVICE TO HIS SON.

Mr. Gobble. "YOU SEE, SAM, YOU ARE A WERRY YOUNG MAN: AND WHEN I AM TOOK AWAY (WHICH, IN THE COMMON COURSE OF EWENTS, CAN'T BE WERRY LONG FUST), YOU WILL HAVE A GREAT DEAL OF PROPERTY. NOW, I'VE ONLY ONE PIECE OF ADWICE TO GIVE YOU. IT'S THIS—AND BY ALL MEANS ACT UPON IT:—LAY DOWN PLENTY OF PORT IN YOUR YOUTH THAT YOU MAY HAVE A GOOD BOTTLE OF WINE IN YOUR OLD AGE."

A JACK TAR.

BACK VIEW OF THE ELEPHANT AT THE ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS

MAY DIFFERENCE OF OPINION NEVER ALTER FRIENDSHIP.

Dumpy Young Lady. "WELL, FOR MY PART, MATILDA, I LIKE LONG WAISTS AND FLOUNCES."

THE PROGRESS OF SLANG.

"WHY, WHAT A PRETTY NEW FROCK ALFRED HAS!"

Prodigy (who picks up everything so readily). "AH, AIN'T IT A STUNNER?"

AWFUL OCCURRENCE AT AN EVENING PARTY.

"MY GOODNESS, EMILY! THEY'RE BEGINNING THE QUADRILLE, AND HERE'S ALL MY 'BACK HAIR' COMING DOWN!! WHATEVER SHALL I DO?"

SKETCH NEAR BURTON CRESCENT.

"OH! WOT A SHAME! THEY'VE BEEN AND SPIKED ALL THE POSTES."

NEVER SATISFIED.

Old Gent. "GOOD GRACIOUS ME! WHAT WITH ORANGE-PEEL AND SLIDES, THERE'S NO PEACE IN THIS LIFE."

A VERY OLD SOLDIER.

"SPARE A COPPER FOR A POOR OLD SOLDIER, MY NOBLE CAPTAIN! SURE IT'S YER HONOURS FACE I RECOLLECT IN THE PENINSULAR?"

RAILWAY LITERATURE.

Book Stall Keeper. "BOOK, MA'AM? YES, MA'AM, HERE'S A POPULAR WORK BY AN EMINENT SURGEON, JUST PUBLISHED, 'BROKEN LEGS, AND HOW TO MEND THEM;' OR, WOULD YOU LIKE THE LAST NUMBER OF 'THE RAILWAY OPERATOR?'"

A LEFT-HANDED COMPLIMENT.

Bootmaker (with great feeling). "OH, NO, SIR! DON'T HAVE NAPOLEONS; HAVE TOPS, SIR!—YOURS IS A BEAUTIFUL LEG FOR A TOP BOOT, SIR!—(young Nimrod is immensely pleased)—BEAUTIFUL LEG, SIR! SAME SIZE ALL THE WAY DOWN, SIR!"—(young Nimrod is immensely disgusted.)

LITERAL.

Young Lady. "PRAY, CABMAN, ARE YOU ENGAGED?"

Cabman. "LOR BLESS YER, MISS, WHY, I'VE BEEN MARRIED THIS SEVEN YEARS."

HALL ALONG OF THEM BETTING OFFICES.

Betting Flunkey. "LOST? I BELIEVE YER! AND LOST A HATFULL OF MONEY ON THE HOAKS, TOO; AND HOW I'M TO SETTLE WITHOUT PARTING WITH MY JEWELLERY, I'M SURE I DON'T KNOW! AH, MR. BOTTLES, ITS HARD LINES TO WAIT AT TABLE WITH SUCH CARES AND HANXIETIES."

A BRUTAL FELLOW.

Policeman. "NOW, MUM! WHAT'S THE MATTER?"

Injured Female. "IF YOU PLEASE, MISTER—I WANT TO GIVE MY WRETCH OF A 'USBAND IN CHARGE. HE'S ALLVAYS A KNOCKING OF ME DOWN AND A STAMPIN' ON ME!"

OF COURSE.

"IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, MASTER'S SENT BACK THE FIRST VOLUME, AND HE SAYS, WILL YOU BE SO GOOD AS TO LET HIM 'AVE THE SECOND?"

DISCERNMENT.

Clever Child. "OH! DO LOOK HERE, MAMMA DEAR, SUCH A FUNNY THING! MR. BOKER'S GOT ANOTHER FOREHEAD AT THE BACK OF HIS HEAD."

[BOKER is delighted.

INNOCENT AND AMUSING LITTLE TRICK FOR LITTLE BOYS.

AN OLD LADY IS CROSSING THE STREET, WHEN A LITTLE BOY SHOUTS OUT—"HI!" AT THE TOP OF HIS VOICE. THE OLD LADY (ALTHOUGH INDEED THERE IS NO REAL CAUSE FOR ALARM) STARTS, AND BECOMES GREATLY AGITATED, AND IMAGINES THAT SHE IS RUN OVER BY AN OMNIBUS. THIS IS AN EXCEEDINGLY PLEASANT TRICK.

SOLICITUDE.

Child (screams and without any stops). "HANNER MARIA YER TIRESOME HAGGERWATIN' LITTLE USSY COME OUT OF THE ROAD DO WITH YER LITTLE BROTHER DID YER WANT TO BE RUNNED OVER BY OMNIBUSTES AND KILLED DEAD OH DEAR OH DEAR WHO'D BE A NUSS?"

ANOTHER.

THIS IS EQUALLY DIVERTING. A LITTLE BOY RUSHES BY AN OLD GENTLEMAN AND "YOWLS" LIKE A DOG. THE OLD GENTLEMAN IS TERRIFIED BEYOND MEASURE. IF AT THE SAME TIME THE LITTLE BOY SHOULD ALSO PINCH THE LEG OF THE OLD GENTLEMAN, THE FORCE OF THE JOKE IS MUCH HEIGHTENED; BUT THEN INDEED HE MUST HAVE COURAGE, AND BE VERY ADROIT, OR HE MAY CHANCE TO GET A GREAT BANG FROM AN UMBRELLA OR STICK.

AWFUL SCENE ON THE CHAIN PIER, BRIGHTON.

Nursemaid. "LAWK! THERE GOES CHARLEY, AND HE'S TOOK HIS MAR'S PARASOL. WHAT WILL MISSUS SAY?"

A LUMPING PENN'ORTH.

"NOW, MY MAN, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, IF I GAVE YOU A PENNY?"

"VY, THAT YOU VOS A JOLLY OLD BRICK!"

RATHER SUSPICIOUS!

Sentimental Young Lady. "WILL YOU BE SO OBLIGING, MR. TONGS, AS TO CUT OFF A LONG PIECE OF HAIR WHERE IT WILL NOT BE MISSED?"

ALARMING.

THE OLD LADY IS SUPPOSED (AFTER A GREAT EFFORT) TO HAVE MADE UP HER MIND TO TRAVEL, JUST FOR ONCE, BY ONE "OF THOSE NEW-FANGLED RAILWAYS," AND THE FIRST THING SHE BEHOLDS ON ARRIVING AT THE STATION, IS THE ABOVE MOST ALARMING PLACARD.

EASILY SATISFIED.

Fond Parent. "I DON'T CARE, MR. MEDIUM, ABOUT ITS BEING HIGHLY FINISHED; BUT I SHOULD LIKE THE DEAR CHILD'S EXPRESSION PRESERVED."

A GREAT LOSS.

Rapid Undergraduate. "WELL, JACKSON! YOU SEE THEY'VE PLUCKED ME AGAIN."

Porter of St. Boniface. "YE-ES, SIR, I WAS VERY SORRY WHEN I 'EARD OF IT, SIR."

Undergraduate. "AH! I DID INTEND GOING INTO THE CHURCH, AND BEING AN ORNAMENT TO THE PROFESSION—BUT AS THEY WON'T LET ME THROUGH—I THINK—I SHALL CUT THE WHOLE CONCERN."

RATHER A BAD LOOK-OUT.

Young Sister. "I SHOULD SO LIKE TO GO TO A PARTY, MA."

Mamma. "MY DEAR, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS. AS I HAVE TOLD YOU BEFORE (I AM SURE A HUNDRED AND FIFTY TIMES), THAT UNTIL FLORA IS MARRIED, IT IS UTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO GO OUT; SO DO NOT ALLUDE TO THE SUBJECT AGAIN, I BEG."

A DREADFUL SHOCK TO THE NERVES.

"PLEASE, MEM, LET'S COME UNDER YOUR RUMBERELLER!"

A STARTLING REQUEST.

"PLEASE, SIR, WILL YOU PUMP FOR ME?"

CUT HIM DOWN BEHIND!

DELICATE.

'Bus Conductor. "WOULD ANY LADY BE SO KIND AS TO RIDE OUTSIDE TO OBLIGE A GENTLEMAN?"

CONFOUND THE SHOPS!

Mrs. ——. "OH! DO LOOK HERE, DEAR! HOW EXTREMELY PRETTY THE AUTUMN FASHIONS ARE, TO BE SURE. WHAT A PERFECTLY LOVELY LITTLE CLOAK!"

Mr. —— (rapidly changing the subject). "YES. YES! BEAUTIFUL! BEAUTIFUL! BUT SEE, LOVE, WHAT A MAGNIFICENT BROWN HORSE, AND HOW SPLENDIDLY THAT FELLOW SITS HIM!"

VERY LOW PEOPLE.

Purveyor of Poultry. "WHAT SORT O' PEOPLE ARE THEY AT NUMBER TWELVE, JACK?"

Purveyor of Meat. "OH! A RUBBISHIN' LOT. LEG O' MUTTON A' MONDAYS, AND 'ASH AN' COLD MEAT THE REST O' THE WEEK."

POOR TOMMY.

"WHY, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH TOMMY?"

"BOO! HOO! I'VE CUT MY FINGER WITH AUNT'S SCISSORS."

"THAT'S A GOOD BOY! ALWAYS SPEAK THE TRUTH!"

No. VII.

MR BRIGGS RIDES(!) HOME, AND WONDERS WHAT MRS. BRIGGS WILL SAY.

AWFUL INSTANCE OF PERCEPTION OF CHARACTER IN AN INFANT PRODIGY.

Prodigy. "MAMMA, LOOK DERE! DERE PAPA!"

DELICACY OF THE SEASON.

Testy Old Uncle (unable to control his passion). "REALLY, SIR, THIS IS QUITE INTOLERABLE! YOU MUST INTEND TO INSULT ME. FOR THE LAST FOURTEEN DAYS, WHEREVER I HAVE DINED, I HAVE HAD NOTHING BUT SADDLE OF MUTTON AND BOILED TURKEY—BOILED TURKEY AND SADDLE OF MUTTON. I'LL ENDURE IT NO LONGER."

[Exit Old Gent., who alters his Will.

THE BANDS OF HOPE; OR, THE CHILDISH TEETOTAL MOVEMENT.

Grandpapa. "BUT FOR SEVENTY YEARS, MY CHILD, I HAVE FOUND THAT THE MODERATE USE OF THE GOOD THINGS OF THIS LIFE HAS DONE ME GOOD."

Young Hopeful Teetotaller. "ALL A MISTAKE, GRANDPA', TOTAL ABSTINENCE IS THE THING. LOOK AT ME! I'VE NOT TASTED WINE OR BEER FOR YEARS!"

A LITTLE BIT OF HUMBUG.

Shoemaker. "I THINK, MUM, WE HAD BETTER MAKE A PAIR. YOU SEE, MUM, YOURS IS SUCH A REMARKABLY LONG AND NARRER FOOT!"

CHURCH AND STATE.

BARRACK LIFE.

First Heavy Swell (lately absent). "WELL, 'GUS, MY BOY—HOW DID YOU KEEP IT UP HERE ON CHRISTMAS DAY?"

Second Do. "OH! IT WAS TERRIBLY SLOW—FOR ALL THE WORLD LIKE A SUNDAY WITHOUT 'BELL'S LIFE!'"

NORTH-EAST WIND, THERMOMETER SEVERAL INCHES BELOW FREEZING.

Brighton Boatman. "DID YOU WANT A PLEASURE BOAT THIS MORNING, SIR? NICE DAY FOR A ROW!!"

THE MORNING AFTER THE DERBY.

First Gent. "WELL, NED, HOW DID WE GET HOME LAST NIGHT?"

Second Gent. "OH, I DON'T KNOW! DIDN'T I GO HOME WITH YOU?"

A MAN ABOUT TOWN.

"WHERE SHALL I SAY YOU'RE GONE TO, JIM, IF ANYONE CALLS?"

"OH, THE OLD SHOP—KENSINGTON GARDENS, TO HEAR THE BAND PLAY!"

TASTE.

"THAT'S A STUNNING PIN, FRANK!"

"YA-AS.—I'VE GOT A SET OF WAISTCOAT BUTTONS TO MATCH—LOOK JOLLY AT NIGHT—I ASSURE YAH!"

MR. VERDANT'S FIRST ATTEMPT AT BOOK-MAKING.

Verdant's Friend. "WELL—AS NEAR AS I CAN MAKE IT OUT—YOU MUST LOSE £150, AND MAY LOSE £300."

[VERDANT subsides into his Book.

FANCY DRESS BALL.

"SIR!—PLEASE, MR.!—SIR! YOU'VE FORGOT THE DOOR-KEY!"

HOW TO DRESS A LOBSTER.

Rude Boy. "OH, LOOK 'ERE, JIM!—IF 'ERE AIN'T A LOBSTER BIN AND OUTGROWED HIS CLOAK!"

ADVICE GRATIS.

Ellen. "OH, DON'T TEASE ME TO-DAY, CHARLEY; I'M NOT AT ALL WELL!"

Charley (a Man of the World). "I TELL YOU WHAT IT IS, COUSIN—THE FACT IS, YOU ARE IN LOVE! NOW, YOU TAKE THE ADVICE OF A FELLOW WHO HAS SEEN A GOOD DEAL OF THAT SORT OF THING, AND DON'T GIVE WAY TO IT."

VERY PROPER DIET FOR HOT WEATHER.

Mrs. Turtledove. "DEAREST ALFRED! WILL YOU DECIDE NOW WHAT WE SHALL HAVE FOR DINNER?"

Mr. Turtledove. "LET ME SEE, POPPET. WE HAD A WAFER YESTERDAY—SUPPOSE WE HAVE A ROAST BUTTERFLY TO-DAY?"

THE PROBABLE EFFECT OF CHEAP FURNITURE HUMBUG.

"OH! IF YOU PLEASE, MISTER, ME AND THIS YOUNG AW-AW-INDIVIDUAL IS ABOUT TO MARRY; AND WE WANT TO LOOK OVER YOUR CHEAP FURNITURE MART."

A JOLLY DOG.

"LOOK HERE, JAMES!—OLD MISSUS IS GONE OUT OF TOWN, AND I'VE GOT HER BEAST OF A DOG WOT'S FED UPON CHICKINGS TO TAKE CARE OF.—WON'T I TEACH HIM TO SWIM, NEETHER!"

AN IMPUDENT MINX.

Lady of the House. "HOITY TOITY, INDEED! GO AND PUT UP THOSE CURLS DIRECTLY, IF YOU PLEASE. HOW DARE YOU IMITATE ME IN THAT MANNER? IMPERTINENCE!"

THE CHATELAINE; A REALLY USEFUL PRESENT.

Laura. "OH. LOOK, MA' DEAR; SEE WHAT A LOVE OF A CHATELAINE EDWARD HAS GIVEN ME."

COMPLIMENTARY.

"'OLD 'ARD, BILL! HERE'S ANOTHER HIPPERPOTAMUS."

THE GOLD FISH AT HAMPTON COURT.

LAYING THE DUST.

A SKETCH FROM NATURE, TAKEN NEAR THE FREEMASONS' TAVERN.

Old Gentleman. "GOOD GRACIOUS! IT'S STRIKING, AND THEY'LL HAVE BEGUN DINNER."

THE RISING GENERATION.

Juvenile Oxford Man (who does not think Vin Ordinaire of himself). "A—WERE YOU AT EITHER UNIVERSITY?"

Awful Swell. "YA-AS—WHEN I WAS A—BOY!" [OXFORD MAN departs in a Hansom.

DISTWESSING—VEWY.

X. 42. "DID YOU CALL THE POLICE, SIR?"

Swell (who would perish rather than disturb his shirt-collar). "YA-AS, A—I'VE HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO DWOP MY UMBRELLAW, AND THERE ISN'T A BOY WITHIN A MILE TO PICK IT UP—A—WILL YOU HAVE THE GOODNESS?"

INGENIOUS IDEA.

ELEGANT MATERIAL FOR TROWSERS—ONLY TAKES TWO MEN TO SHOW THE PATTERN.

NO DOUBT.

"NOW I DARE SAY, BILL, THAT AIR BEAST OF A DOG IS A GOOD DEAL MORE PETTED THAN YOU OR I SHOULD BE."

DIFFERENT OPINIONS.

Housebreaker. "WOT A SHAME FOR PEOPLE TO GO LEAVING COAL-SCUTTLES ABOUT FOR PEOPLE TO GO STUMBLING OVER!"

SCENE—WESTMINSTER BRIDGE.—TIME, TWO ON A FOGGY MORNING.

Reduced Tradesman (to a little party returning home). "DID YOU WANT TO BUY A GOOD RAZOR?"

FOREIGNER OF DISTINCTION GOING TO ENJOY "LE SPORT."

THE NEW HUNTER.

"WELL, CHARLEY! HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR NEW PONY?"

"OH! PRETTY WELL, THANK YOU, UNCLE; ONLY I'M AFRAID HE'S HARDLY UP TO MY WEIGHT, AND HE RUSHES SO AT HIS FENCES."

AFTER THE PANTOMIME.

Mary. "OH! HOW I SHOULD LIKE TO BE A BEAUTIFUL COLUMBINE, AND RIDE ABOUT IN A GOLD CAR DRAWN BY WHITE DOVES!"

Augustus. "AND HOW I SHOULD LIKE TO BE A HARLEQUIN, AND CHANGE WHOLE STREETS INTO REALMS OF DAZZLING DELIGHT!"

Tom (a rude Boy). "AND HOW I SHOULD LIKE TO BE THE OLD CLOWN, AND MAKE BUTTER SLIDES ON THE PAVEMENT TO UPSET OLD LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!"

TOO CIVIL BY HALF!

English Cook. "OH, DEAR! HERE, JAMES, COME, AND TAKE THIS ROAST BEEF AND PLUM-PUDDING OUT OF THE WINDOW. IT HURTS THE FEELINGS OF THE FOREIGN GENTS AS THEY WALK BY!"

LOVE ON THE OCEAN.

"'OH! IS THERE NOT SOMETHING, DEAR AUGUSTUS, TRULY SUBLIME IN THIS WARRING OF THE ELEMENTS?' BUT AUGUSTUS'S HEART WAS TOO FULL TO SPEAK."—MS. Novel by Lady * * *.

THE RISING GENERATION.

Juvenile. "UNCLE!"

Uncle. "NOW THEN, WHAT IS IT? THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME YOU'VE WOKE ME UP, SIR!"

Juvenile. "OH! JUST PUT A FEW COALS ON THE FIRE, AND PASS THE WINE, THAT'S A GOOD OLD CHAP."

RELIGION À LA MODE.

Housemaid. "I TELL YOU WHAT IT IS, PARKER, I SHALL BE VERY GLAD WHEN MISSUS HAS GOT TIRED OF THIS PUSEY-USM. IT MAY BE THE FASHION; BUT WHAT WITH HER COMIN' HOME LATE FROM PARTIES, AND GETTING UP FOR EARLY SERVICE, AND THEN GOIN' TO BED AGAIN, WE POOR SARVINTS HAS DOUBLE WORK A'MOST."

STRANGE, BUT TRUE.

Lady. "BY THE WAY, MR. TONGS, I HAVE USED THAT BOTTLE OF BALM OF CALIFORNIA, BUT I FIND MY HAIR STILL COMES OFF."

VERY ACUTE.

Mr. ——. "SO YOUR NAME IS CHARLEY, IS IT? NOW, CHARLEY DOESN'T KNOW WHO I AM?"

Sharp Little Boy. "OH, YES! BUT I DO, THOUGH."

Mr. ——. "WELL, WHO AM I?"

Sharp Little Boy. "WHY, YOU'RE THE GENTLEMAN THAT KISSED SISTER SOPHY IN THE LIBRARY, ON TWELFTH NIGHT, WHEN YOU THOUGHT NO ONE WAS THERE."

GLORIOUS NEWS.

"WELL, RUGGLES, IT'S ALL RIGHT!"

"WHAT'S ALL RIGHT?"

"WHY! WE ARE TO HAVE MARIO AGAIN."

AN EYE TO BUSINESS.

NOT A DIFFICULT THING TO FORETELL.

"LET THE POOR GIPSY TELL YOUR FORTUNE, MY PRETTY GENTLEMAN."

FLOWERS OF THE FRENCH ARMY—PICKED AT PARIS.

NOT YET!

HIGHLY INTERESTING.

"SEEN THAT PARTY LATELY?"

"WHAT? THE PARTY WITH THE WOODEN LEG, AS COME WITH—"

"NO, NO—NOT THAT PARTY. THE PARTY, YOU KNOW, AS—"

"OH! AH! I KNOW THE PARTY YOU MEAN NOW."

"WELL, A PARTY TOLD ME AS HE CAN'T AGREE WITH THAT OTHER PARTY, AND HE SAYS THAT IF ANOTHER PARTY CAN'T BE FOUND TO MAKE IT ALL SQUARE, HE SHALL LOOK FOR A PARTY AS WILL." (And so on for half an hour.)

SOUND ADVICE.

Master Tom. "HAVE A WEED, GRAN'PA?"

Gran'pa. "A WHAT! SIR?"

Master Tom. "A WEED!—A CIGAR, YOU KNOW."

Gran'pa. "CERTAINLY NOT, SIR. I NEVER SMOKED IN MY LIFE."

Master Tom. "AH! THEN I WOULDN'T ADVISE YOU TO BEGIN."

AWFUL POSITION DURING A STORM.

DOG-DAYS! PLEASANT FOR JOHN THOMAS.

Old Lady. "JOHN THOMAS!"

John Thomas. "YES, MY LADY!"

Old Lady. "CARRY ESMERALDA—SHE'S GETTING TIRED, POOR DARLING!"

TEMPUS EDAX RERUM.

"GOOD GRACIOUS! IS IT POSSIBLE?—NO! YES! NO!—YES! YES, BY JUPITER, IT'S A GREY HAIR IN MY FAVOURITE WHISKER!"

A ROMANCE OF ROAST DUCKS.

"MY DARLING, WILL YOU TAKE A LITTLE OF THE—A—THE STUFFING?"

"I WILL, DEAR, IF YOU DO; BUT IF YOU DON'T, I WON'T."

Scene—The Kitchen.

Cook. "WHO WAS THAT AT THE DOOR, MARY?"

Mary. "OH! SUCH A NICE-SPOKEN GENTLEMAN WITH MOUSTARCHERS. HE'S A WRITIN' A LETTER IN THE DRAWING-ROOM. HE SAYS HE'S A OLD SCHOOL-FELLER OF MASTER'S, JUST COME FROM INGIA."

Scene—The Hall.

THE NICE-SPOKEN GENTLEMAN IS SEEN DEPARTING WITH WHAT GREAT-COATS AND OTHER TRIFLES HE MAY HAVE LAID HIS HANDS UPON.

THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS.

Serious Flunkey. "I SHOULD REQUIRE, MADAM, FORTY POUNDS A YEAR, TWO SUITS OF CLOTHES, TWO 'ATS, MEAT AND HALE THREE TIMES A DAY, AND PIETY HINDISPENSABLE."

A FRAGMENT.

"AND WILL YOU ALWAYS—ALWAYS, DEAREST ALBERIC, LOVE ME THUS?" SAID CONSTANCE.

"EVER, WHILE THIS HEART BEATS WITH LIFE!" PASSIONATELY EXCLAIMED ALBERIC.

"THEN COULD YOU LEND ME FIVE POUNDS?" MURMURED THE LADY; "FOR REALLY THINGS ARE SO BAD IN THE CITY, THAT I," &C., &C., &C.

A FALSE POSITION.

Individual (who is not over strong in his head, or firm on his legs). "D-D-D-D-ID WALTZING—EVER—MAKE—YOU—GIDDY? BECAUSE, I—SHALL—BE—HAPPY—TO—SIT—DOWN—WHENEVER—YOU'RE—TIRED!"

Girl (who is in high dancing condition). "OH, DEAR NO—I COULD WALTZ ALL NIGHT!"

THE NEW BONNET.

Frederick. "THERE NOW, HOW VERY PROVOKING! I'VE LEFT THE PRAYER-BOOKS AT HOME!"

Maria. "WELL, DEAR, NEVER MIND; BUT DO TELL ME, IS MY BONNET STRAIGHT?"

IN CAMP.—HOSPITALITY.

Officer. "WELL, BUT LOOK HERE, OLD FELLOW; WHY NOT STOP ALL NIGHT?"

A GREAT MENTAL EFFORT.

First Cock Sparrow. "WHAT A MIWACKULOUS TYE, FWANK! HOW THE DOOSE DO YOU MANAGE IT?"

Second Cock Sparrow. "YAS. I FANCY IT IS RATHER GRAND; BUT THEN, YOU SEE, I GIVE THE WHOLE OF MY MIND TO IT."

COMING HOME.

Old Party (who is taking care of the house). "OH, YES, SIR. YOU'LL FIND THE ROOM NICE AN' CLEAN—AN' I'M SURE THE BED'S HAIRED—FOR I'VE BIN AN' SLEP IN IT MY OWN SELF HEVERY NIGHT."

OH! THE CURTAINS.

Objectionable Child. "LOR, PA! ARE YOU GOING TO SMOKE? MY EYE! WON'T YOU CATCH IT WHEN MA COMES HOME, FOR MAKING THE CURTAINS SMELL!"

DISTRACTION.

Wife of your Bussum. "OH, I DON'T WANT TO INTERRUPT YOU, DEAR. I ONLY WANT SOME MONEY FOR BABY'S SOCKS—AND TO KNOW WHETHER YOU WILL HAVE THE MUTTON COLD OR HASHED."

A VERY VULGAR SUBJECT.

William. "HERE'S WISHIN' YOU GOOD 'EALTH, JIM, AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

James. "THANK'YE, BILL, THANK'YE. I HAD OUGHT TO BE A HAPPY COVE—FOR I'VE GOT A WIFE AS CAN THRASH ANY MAN OF HER WEIGHT—AND I'VE GOT A CHILD OF TWO YEARS AND A ARF AS CAN EAT TWO POUNDS O' BEEFSTEAK AT A SITTING—LET ALONE OWNIN' THE SMALLEST BLACK AND TAN TERRIER IN THE WORLD!"

SNOW-FLAKES.—No. 1.

Street Boy (to his natural enemy, the Policeman). "SNOWBALLS, SIR! NO, SIR! I HAVEN'T SEEN NO ONE THROW NO SNOWBALLS, SIR!"

SNOW-FLAKES.—No. 2.

Street Boy. "HOH! SOOSANNER! DON'T YER CRY FOR ME! FOL DE ROL DE RIDDLE LOL! HERE'S A JOLLY SLIDE! CUT AWAY, YOUNG 'UN! IT'S ALL SERENE!"

SNOW-FLAKES.—No. 3.

Playful Youth. "PLEASE, SIR, I WASN'T A HEAVIN' AT YOU—I WAS HEAVIN' AT BILLY JONES."

THE BIRTHDAY.

Cousin Emily. "AND SO IT'S LITTLE ALFRED'S BIRTHDAY TO-MORROW. NOW, WHAT WOULD HE LIKE BEST FOR A PRESENT?"

Alfred (after much reflection). "WHY, I THINK I SHOULD LIKE A—I SHOULD LIKE A TESTAMENT—AND—A—A—AND—OH, I KNOW! I SHOULD LIKE A SQUIRT!!"

BON-BON FROM A JUVENILE PARTY.

Doctor. "AHEM! WELL! AND WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH MY YOUNG FRIEND ADOLPHUS?"

Fond Mother. "WHY, HE'S NOT AT ALL THE THING, DOCTOR. HE WAS AT A JUVENILE PARTY LAST NIGHT, WHERE THERE WAS A TWELFTH CAKE; AND IT PAINS ME TO SAY, THAT BESIDES EATING A GREAT DEAL TOO MUCH OF THE CAKE, HE WAS IMPRUDENT ENOUGH TO EAT A HARLEQUIN AND A MAN ON HORSEBACK, AND, I AM SORRY TO ADD, A CUPID AND A BIRDCAGE FROM THE TOP OF IT!"

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.

Tom. "JACK! WHEREABOUTS IS AMSTID—AM?"

Jack. "WELL, I CAN'T SAY EXACKERLY, BUT I KNOW IT'S SOMEWHERE NEAR AMSTID-EATH!"

HOW TO MAKE A CHATELAINE A REAL BLESSING TO MOTHERS.

THE PIKE IS A VORACIOUS FISH, AND BITES VERY READILY IN THE WINTER MONTHS.

OLD GENTLEMAN IS VERY FOND OF FISHING!!

A TIGHT FIT.

"YOUR BATH IS QUITE READY, MA'AM."

"WELL BUT MY GOOD GIRL, I CAN'T GET INTO SUCH A BIT OF A THING AS THAT!"

A PUZZLING ORDER.

"I'LL TROUBLE YOU TO MEASURE ME FOR A NEW PAIR OF BOOTS."

NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS (?)

First Old Foozle. "WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THE PAPER, SIR? THERE'S NOTHING IN IT."

Second Old Foozle. "THEN WHAT THE DEVIL DID YOU KEEP IT SO LONG FOR?"

A SUGGESTION.

Driver. "WHERE DID THE OLD GENT WANT TO GO TO, BILL?"

Conductor. "VY, HE WANTED TO GO TO BLACKWALL IN A QUARTER OF AN HOUR."

Driver. "OH! DID HE? THEN HE'D BETTER ORDER A BALLOON!!!"

A SKETCH OF CHARACTER BY PROFESSOR MILKANSOP, THE CELEBRATED GRAPHIOLOGIST.

Gentleman (reads). "'INTELLIGENT; STRONG RELIGIOUS FEELINGS; FOND OF LITTLE CHILDREN; LOVES MUSIC, POETRY, AND THE FINE ARTS; IS RELUCTANT TO TAKE OFFENCE, GENEROUS AND FORGIVING.'—WELL, I'M BLOWED, IF THAT AIN'T WONDERFUL! WHY, ITS MY KARACTER TO A T!"

AN INGENIOUS FELLOW.

"LOOK HERE, MY BOY! THE BOX MAKES A CAPITAL TABLE, AND THE BOOT IS JUST THE THING FOR YOUR LEGS."

[Pocket-book disappears.

A WEIGHTY MATTER.

Cavalry Officer (who rides about five stone). "I'M DOOCED GLAD WE'RE IN THE HEAVIES; AIN'T YOU, CHARLEY? IT WOULD BE A HORRID BORE TO BE SENT OUT TO THE CAPE LIKE THOSE POOR LIGHT BOBS."

OUR YOUNG PEOPLE.

Juvenile. "I TELL YOU WHAT IT IS, GOVERNOR, THE SOONER WE COME TO SOME UNDERSTANDING THE BETTER. YOU CAN'T EXPECT A YOUNG FELLER TO BE ALWAYS AT HOME; AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY I GO ON, WHY I MUST HAVE CHAMBERS, AND SO MUCH A-WEEK?"

A PERSONAL OPINION.

Elderly Spinster. "SO, YOU'RE GOING TO BE MARRIED, DEAR, ARE YOU? WELL, FOR MY PART, I THINK NINE-HUNDRED-AND-NINETY-NINE MARRIAGES OUT OF A THOUSAND TURN OUT MISERABLY; BUT OF COURSE EVERY ONE IS THE BEST JUDGE OF THEIR OWN FEELINGS."

LITTLE WOMEN.

First Matron. "HAS YOUR DOLL HAD THE MEASLES, AMELIA? MINE HAS—"

Second Matron. "NO, DEAR, BUT IT'S BEEN VERY FRACTIOUS ABOUT ITS TEETH, AND I'M GOING TO GIVE IT A LITTLE GREY POWDER."

CAUGHT.

Domestic (soliloquising). "WELL! I'M SURE MISSUS HAD BETTER GIVE THIS NEW BONNET TO ME, INSTEAD OF STICKING SUCH A YOUNG-LOOKING THING UPON HER OLD SHOULDERS."

(The impudent minx has immediate warning)

STREET DIALOGUE.

First Boy. "I'LL PUNCH YER ED, IF YER SAY MUCH."

Second Boy. "WHO'LL PUNCH MY ED?"—First Boy. "I WILL."

Second Boy. "YOU WILL?"—First Boy. "YES, I WILL."

Second Boy. "WELL!—DO IT."—First Boy. "AH!"

Second Boy. "YES!"—First Boy. "OH!"

[Boys evaporate.

A PRUDENT RESOLVE.

'Ousemaid. "WELL, MR. ROBERT, I SUPPOSE YOU'LL BE OFF TO THE DIGGINGS ALONG WITH THE REST OF THE GENTLEMEN?"

Flunkey. "NOT IF I KNOWS IT, MARY, MY DEAR. I AIN'T BEEN ACCUSTOMED TO FIZZICAL EXERTION; AND I DON'T INTEND TO BEGIN HARD WORK AT MY TIME OF LIFE."

USED UP.

Grandmamma. "WHY, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH MY PET?"

Child. "WHY, GRANDMA, AFTER GIVING THE SUBJECT EVERY CONSIDERATION, I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT—THE WORLD IS HOLLOW, AND MY DOLL IS STUFFED WITH SAWDUST. SO—I—SHOULD—LIKE—IF YOU PLEASE, TO BE A NUN!"

No. III.

MR. B WON'T HAVE A MAN WITH HIM, AS HE THINKS HE CAN MANAGE A PUNT BY HIMSELF; AND THE CONSEQUENCE IS, HE IS OBLIGED TO GO TO BED WHILE HIS THINGS ARE DRIED, HAVING UPSET HIMSELF, AS A MATTER OF COURSE.

ENERGETIC.

"HI!—THERE!—STOP!"

MANNERS MAKE THE MAN.

Omnibus Driver. "I BEG YOU A THOUSAND PARDONS, I AM SURE."

Cabman. "OH, PRAY DON'T MENTION IT. ITS OF NO CONSEQUENCE, BELIEVE ME!"

MUCH TOO CLEVER.

Sharp (but vulgar Little Boy). "HALLO, MISSUS, WOT ARE THOSE?"

Old Woman. "TWOPENCE."

Boy. "WHAT A LIE! THEY'RE APPLES."

[Exit, whistling popular air.

No. V.

MINNOW CAUGHT BY MR. BRIGGS; EXACT SIZE OF LIFE.

RETURNING FROM THE SEA-SIDE.—A LITTLE COMMISSION.

"IF YOU PLEASE, SIR,—MRS. GENERAL SLOWCOACH'S COMPLIMENTS, AND SHE SAYS IF YOU'RE GOING BY THE TRAIN THIS MORNING, SHE WOULD FEEL PERTICKLER OBLIGED BY YOUR TAKING CHARGE OF THIS LITTLE CASK OF SEA-WATER AS FAR AS HER 'OUSE."

MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING.

No. VI.
MR. BRIGGS HAS ANOTHER DAY'S FISHING.

HE IS SO FORTUNATE AS TO CATCH A LARGE EEL.

AN UNDESIGNED INCIDENT.

"HOW COOL AND NICE THE FRENCH-POLISHED FLOORS ARE,—BUT—UGH!—OH DEAR!—HOW HARD!"

SPLENDID DAY WITH THE "QUEEN'S."

First Sporting Snob. "WELL, BILL, WHAT SORT OF A DAY HAVE YER HAD?"

Second Ditto. "OH, MAGNIFICENT, MY BOY! I SEE THE 'OUNDS SEVERAL TIMES; AND NONE OF YER NASTY 'EDGES AN' DITCHES, EITHER; BUT A PRIME TURNPIKE ROAD ALL THE WAY."

DREADFUL CRISIS.

Victim. "HOPE YOU WILL NOT BE OFFENDED, SIR; BUT I SHOULD BE VERY GLAD IF YOU COULD SETTLE MY LITTLE BILL UP TO CHRISTMAS."

Mr. Dunup. "OFFENDED, MY DEAR BOY! NOT IN THE LEAST. BUT THE FACT IS, I HAVE 'SUSPENDED CASH PAYMENTS' FOR SOME TIME."

MEN OF EXPERIENCE.

Tom. "AH, BILL! I'M QUITE TIRED OF THE DISSIPATION OF THE GAY AND FASHIONABLE WORLD. I THINK I SHALL MARRY AND SETTLE."

Bill. "WELL, I'M DEVILISH SICK OF A BACHELOR'S LIFE MYSELF, BUT I DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF THROWING MYSELF AWAY IN A HURRY."

QUITE UNNECESSARY.

Juvenile. "OH, CHARLEY. IF YOU HEAR A REPORT THAT I'M GOING TO BE MARRIED TO THAT GIRL IN BLACK, YOU CAN CONTRADICT IT. THERE'S NOTHING IN IT."

NOT VERY LIKELY.

Mistress. "WELL, I'M SURE! AND PRAY WHO IS THAT?"

Cook. "OH, IF YOU PLEASE'M, IT'S ONLY MY COUSIN WHO HAS CALLED JUST TO SHOW ME HOW TO BOIL A POTATO."

EVERY LITTLE HELPS.

I SAY, TOMMY, COME AND SHOVE. HERE'S THE POOR 'ORSE CAN'T GET THE WAGGIN UP!"

No. II.

MR. BRIGGS NO SOONER RETURNS TO HIS BED, THAN MRS. BRIGGS SAYS, "MY DEAR! THERE'S THAT NASTY, TIRESOME DOG AGAIN!!"

THE RISING GENERATION.

Eton Boy (loq.). "COME, GOVERNOR! JUST ONE TOAST, 'THE LADIES!'"

REWARD OF MERIT.

Ragged Urchin. "PLEASE, GIVE DAD A SHORT PIPE."

Barman. "CAN'T DO IT. DON'T KNOW HIM."

Ragged Urchin. "WHY, HE GETS DRUNK HERE EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT."

Barman. "OH! DOES HE, MY LITTLE DEAR? THEN 'ERES A NICE LONG 'UN, WITH A BIT OF WAX AT THE END."

CRUEL.

"REMEMBER THE STEWARD, SIR, IF YOU PLEASE."

MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES Of SHOOTING.

No. III.

9 A.M., HIS ARRIVAL ON THE MOOR. MR. BRIGGS SAYS THAT THE FINE BRACING AIR MAKES HIM SO VIGOROUS THAT HE SHALL NEVER BE BEAT. HE ALSO FACETIOUSLY REMARKS THAT HE IS ON "HIS NATIVE HEATH," AND THAT HIS "NAME IS MACGREGOR!"

THE STARVED-OUT ALDERMAN.

DREADFUL CASE OF DESTITUTION.

No. IV.

11 A.M. MR. BRIGGS BEGINS TO SHOW SYMPTOMS OF DISTRESS. HE FINDS HIS "NATIVE HEATH" A VERY DIFFERENT THING TO HIS "NATIVE FLAGSTONES."

AN OCEAN SWELL.

THE DELIGHTFUL PROCESS OF DRESSING IN A BATHING-MACHINE.

AN EXCLUSIVE.

Enter Small Swell (who drawls as follows). "A—BROWN, A—WANT SOME MORE COATS!"

Snip. "YES, SIR. THANK YOU, SIR. HOW MANY WOULD YOU PLEASE TO WANT?"

Small Swell. "A—LET ME SEE; A'LL HAVE EIGHT. A—NO, A'LL HAVE NINE; LOOK HERE! A—SHALL WANT SOME TROWSERS."

Snip. "YES, SIR. THANK YOU, SIR. HOW MANY WOULD YOU LIKE?"

Small Swell. "A—I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY. S'POSE WE SAY TWENTY-FOUR PAIRS; AND LOOK HERE! SHOW ME SOME PATTERNS THAT WON'T BE WORN BY ANY SNOBS!"

ELEGANT HABIT.

Mamma. "MY DEAR FREDERICK, DO PRAY TAKE YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR POCKETS!"

Frederick. "COULDN'T DO IT, MAMMA, DEAR; ALL OUR MEN AT CAMBRIDGE WEAR THEIR HANDS IN THEIR POCKETS, AND I COULDN'T DISGRACE MY COLLEGE BY TAKING MINE OUT!!"

PITY IS AKIN TO LOVE.

Boy (loq.). "O DON'T I PITY THEM POOR NOBS IN CARRIDGES THIS HOT WEATHER!"

AN OMNIBUS INCIDENT.

Man (thrusting his hand into the window). "WILL YOU BUY A PENKNIFE WITH A HUNDRED BLADES, SIR?"

NOTHING LIKE PRUDENCE.

Maria (loq.). "MY DEAR CHARLES, BEFORE WE THINK OF MARRYING, I MUST ASK YOU WHAT YOU HAVE?"

Charles. "MY DEAR MARIA, I WILL TELL YOU FRANKLY THAT ALL I HAVE IN THE WORLD IS A DRUM AND A CRICKET BAT; BUT PAPA HAS PROMISED ME A BOW AND ARROWS, AND A PONY, IF I'M A GOOD BOY."

Maria. "OH! MY DEAR CHARLES, WE COULD NEVER LIVE AND KEEP HOUSE UPON THAT!"

HOUSEMAIDS REFUSING SERVICE IN BELGRAVIA.

Lady Emily. "NOW DEAR, I WISH YOU WOULD BE QUICK, AND LIGHT THE FIRES, AND HELP ME TO MAKE THE BEDS."

[The Barracks being removed from Knightsbridge. Young Ladies do the Housework.

GRANDMAMMA IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE GIVEN MASTER TOM SOME PLUMS.

Master Tom. "NOW, THEN, GRANNY, I'VE EATEN THE PLUMS, AND IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME SIXPENCE, I'LL SWALLOW THE STONES!"

MAKING THE BEST OF IT.

RATHER SEVERE.

"SHALL I 'OLD YOUR 'ORSE, SIR?"

A FAULTY MIRROR.

"LOR! WHAT A MOST ABOMINABLE GLASS.—I DECLARE IT MAKES ONE LOOK A PERFECT FRIGHT!"

A CAUTION TO LITTLE BOYS AT A FESTIVE SEASON.

Mamma. "WHY, MY DEAREST ALBERT, WHAT ARE YOU CRYING FOR?—SO GOOD, TOO, AS YOU HAVE BEEN ALL DAY!"

Spoiled Little Boy. "BOO-HOO! I'VE EATEN SO—MUCH BE-EF AND T-TURKEY, THAT I CANT EAT ANY P-PLUM P-P-PUDDING!"

[Oh, what a very greedy little fellow!

A PRIVATE OPINION.

"WELL, I THINK THIS IS THE NEATEST THING I HAVE SEEN FOR A LONG TIME."

PLEASANT.

Old Acquaintance. "AVE A DRAIN, BILL?"

Bus Driver. "WHY, YER SEE, JIM, THIS 'ERE YOUNG HOSS HAS ON'Y BIN IN 'ARNES ONCE AFORE, AND HE'S SUCH A BEGGAR TO BOLT, TEN TO ONE IF I LEAVE 'IM HE'LL BE A-RUNNIN' HOFF AND A-SMASHIN' INTO SUTHUN. HOWSEVER—HERE (handing reins to timid passenger), LAY HOLD, SIR, I'LL CHANCE IT!"

A REAL DIFFICULTY.

Coachman. "WHY—WHAT'S THE MATTER, JOHN THOMAS?"

Footman. "MATTER ENUFF! HERE'S THE MARCHIONESS BIN AN GIV ME NOTICE BECAUSE I DON'T MATCH JOSEPH,—AND I MUST GO, UNLESS I CAN GET MY FAT DOWN IN A WEEK!"

BIT FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS.

First. "WUT TAK THY QUOAT OFF, THEN! OI TELL THEE OI'M AS GOOD A MON AS THEE!"

Second. "THEE A MON! WHOY THEE BE'EST ONLY WALKING ABOUT TO SAVE THY FUNERAL EXPENSES!"

ANOTHER BIT FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS.

First Polite Native. "WHO'S 'IM, BILL?"

Second Ditto. "A STRANGER!"

First Ditto. "'EAVE 'ARF A BRICK AT 'IM."

VERY CONSIDERATE.

Affable Little Gentleman. "DEAR, OH DEAR! HOW IT RAINS! I'M AFRAID YOU'LL GET VERY WET—CAN I OFFER YOU A GREAT COAT OR ANYTHING?"

CHANGING THE SUBJECT.

Old Gentleman. "WELL, WALTER, I SUPPOSE YOU HAVE GOT INTO LATIN AND GREEK AT SCHOOL BY THIS TIME, EH?"

Juvenile. "OH, YES, SIR. I HAVE JUST FINISHED XENOPHON AND THUCYDIDES, AND AM NOW IN EURIPIDES. BY THE WAY, SIR, HOW WOULD YOU RENDER THE PASSAGE BEGINNING κακως πεπρακται πανταχη?"

Old Gentleman. "AHEM! HEY?—WHAT?—AHEM! HERE, RUGGLES, BRING ANOTHER BOTTLE OF CLARET, AND—EH? WHAT? WALTER, I THINK YOU HAD BETTER JOIN THE LADIES."

MEETING HIM HALF WAY.

Young Hopeful. "WELL, IT'S OF NO USE, GOVERNOR; I CAN'T STICK TO BUSINESS. I WANT TO BE A SOLDIER, AND YOU MUST BUY ME A COMMISSION."

Governor. "NO, MY BOY, I CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY YOU A COMMISSION, BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WILL DO; IF YOU WILL GO DOWN TO CHATHAM AND ENLIST, I WILL GIVE YOU MY WORD OF HONOUR I WON'T BUY YOU OFF!"

MEN OF THE WORLD.

First Man of the World. "HEARD OF MISS F——'s MARRIAGE, CHARLEY?"

Second Do. "AH! I HEARD IT SPOKEN OF. I BELIEVE IT WAS A MARRIAGE OF INCLINATION ON BOTH SIDES?"

First Do. "YES! IT WAS A BAD JOB. THOSE MATCHES NEVER TURN OUT WELL!"

A MOST ALARMING SWELLING!

INFORMATION.

"JEMMY! WHAT'S A STALL AT THE HOPERA?"

"WELL, I CAN'T SAY, NOT FOR CERTAIN; BUT I SUPPOSE IT'S WHERE THEY SELLS THE HAPPLES, HORANGES, GINGER BEER AND BISKITS."

SELF-ESTEEM.

Gentleman. "SIXTY POUNDS A YEAR!! WHY, MAN, ARE YOU AWARE THAT SUCH A SUM IS MORE THAN IS FREQUENTLY GIVEN TO A CURATE?"

Flunkey. "OH, YES, SIR; BUT THEN YOU WOULD HARDLY, I HOPE, GO FOR TO COMPARE ME WITH THE HINFERIOR ORDER OF CLERGY."

GROSS INSULT.

University "Man" having spent a few days in Town, at the end of Term is about to go Home.

Waiter (condescendingly). "GOING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS, SIR?"

University MAN (hurling himself into Hansom). "EUSTON SQUA-A-A-RE!"

CANDID.

Old Gent. "THOMAS, I HAVE ALWAYS PLACED THE GREATEST CONFIDENCE IN YOU. NOW TELL ME, THOMAS, HOW IS IT THAT MY BUTCHER'S BILLS ARE SO LARGE, AND THAT I ALWAYS HAVE SUCH BAD DINNERS?"

Thomas. "REALLY, SIR, I DON'T KNOW, FOR I'M SURE WE NEVER HAVE ANYTHING NICE IN THE KITCHEN THAT WE DON'T ALWAYS SEND SOME OF IT UP INTO THE PARLOUR!"

DE GUS-TIBUS.

Uncle. "SO, YOU'VE BEEN TO THE CRYSTAL PALACE—HAVE YOU, GUS?"

Gus. "YES, UNCLE."

Uncle. "WELL. NOW, I'LL GIVE YOU SIXPENCE IF YOU WILL TELL ME WHAT YOU ADMIRED MOST IN THAT TEMPLE OF INDUSTRY?"

Gus. (unhesitatingly). "VEAL AND 'AM PIES, AND THE GINGER BEER. GIVE US THE SIXPENCE."

AN ENTHUSIASTIC FISHERMAN.

"WHAT A BORE! JUST LIKE MY LUCK. NO SOONER HAVE I GOT MY TACKLE READY, AND SETTLED DOWN TO A BOOK, THAN THERE COMES A CONFOUNDED BITE!"

MELANCHOLY REVERSE OF FORTUNE.

"POOR SWEEPER, LADIES! RAILWAY DIRECTOR ONCE, LADIES!"

PROFESSOR BUCKWHEAT IMPRESSING THE AGRICULTURAL MIND.

GOING "OUT" TO AN "AT HOME."

Lovely Woman (to brute of a Husband). "GOOD GRACIOUS, WILLIAM—FAST ASLEEP! AND NOT DRESSED, I DECLARE! WHY IT'S NEARLY TWELVE O'CLOCK, AND THE BROUGHAM HAS BEEN WAITING THIS HALF-HOUR. GO AND GET READY THIS MOMENT, SIR!"

TERRIBLE DOMESTIC INCIDENT.

"LAWK, JOHN! IF YOU HAVEN'T BIN AND LET MASTER'S LIBERY FIRE OUT AGAIN."

FILLING UP THE CENSUS PAPER.

Wife of his Bosom. "UPON MY WORD, MR PEEWITT! IS THIS THE WAY YOU FILL UP YOUR CENSUS? SO YOU CALL YOURSELF THE 'HEAD OF THE FAMILY'—DO YOU—AND ME A FEMALE!"

A SPORTING CHARACTER.

"ARE YOU GOING TO HASCOT, BILL?"

"WHY, YES; I'M GOING TO CHAPERONG THIS YOUNG FEMALE DOWN BY THE RAIL."

OUR FOREIGN VISITORS.

Conductor. "HOLD HARD, BILL! HERE'S A COUPLE MORE LEICESTER SQUARES A-COMIN'."

TRUE RESPECTABILITY.

First Costermonger. "I WONDER A RESPECTABLE COVE LIKE YOU, BILL, CARRIES YOUR OWN COLLYFLOWERS; WHY DON'T YER KEEP A CARRIDGE LIKE MINE?"

Second Costermonger. "WHY DON'T I KEEP A CARRIDGE? WHY, BECAUSE I DON'T CHOOSE TO WASTE MY HINCUM IN MERE SHOW AND FASHIONABLE DISPLAY!"

THE OPERA.

Box-Keeper. "STALLS 216 AND 17. THIS WAY, MA'AM; LAST ROW, MA'AM. WON'T YOU LIKE A BOOK, MA'AM?"

SEASONABLE QUESTION.

"DID YOU WANT YER DOOR SWEPT, MARM?"

A BRITISH RUFFIAN.

Lady. "IF YOU ARE NOT SATISFIED WITH WHAT I HAVE GIVEN YOU, THERE'S A GENTLEMAN HERE WHO WILL SETTLE WITH YOU."

Cabman. "NO, THERE AIN'T! THERE AIN'T NO GENTLEMAN HERE!"

Lady. "I TELL YOU THERE IS. THERE IS A GENTLEMAN IN THIS HOUSE."

Cabman. "OH, NO, THERE AIN'T, NOT IF HE BELONGS TO YOU!"

TURFITES.

"I SAY, OLD FELLOW, HOW DO YOU GO TO THE DERBY THIS YEAR?"

"OH, THE OLD WAY—HAMPER AND FOUR."

A YOUNG GENTLEMAN AND SCHOLAR.

Fond Mother. "WHY, HE DOESN'T WRITE VERY WELL YET, BUT HE GETS ON NICELY WITH HIS SPELLING. COME, ALEXANDER, WHAT DOES D. O. G. SPELL?"

Infant Prodigy (with extraordinary quickness). "CAT!"

"THAT IS THE QUESTION."

IS WESKETS TO BE GENERALLY WORE THIS SUMMER?

ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT.

Dealer. "THERE! HE AIN'T A 'ORSE MADE UP FOR SALE, HE'LL GO ON IMPROVIN' EVERY DAY YOU KEEP HIM—HE WILL."

EASY SHAVING.

ARITHMETIC IN THE UNIVERSITY.

"I SAY, FRANK, MY BOY—IF TROUNCER'S AT 5 TO 2, AND NUTSHELL AT 3 TO 1, WHAT'S THE BETTING AGAINST THE PAIR OF THEM!"

"I'M SURE I DON'T KNOW—TAKE YOU 6 TO 1."

STARTLING EFFECT OF THE "GOLD DIGGINS."

Reduced Goldsmith (loq.). "NOW THEN, HERE YOU ARE!—A HANDSOME GOLD SNUFFBOX AND A HA'PORTH OF SNUFF FOR A PENNY!"

ELEGANT AND RATIONAL DINNER COSTUME FOR CLOSE WEATHER.

HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?

A HEAVY BLOW.

Alderman Gobble. "WHAW-T; PULL DOWN TEMPLE BAR? OH DEAR! RING FOR THE SHERRY. THEY'LL BE FOR DESTROYING GOG AND MAGOG NEXT."

OYSTERS IN JUNE—DELICIOUS!

"NOW, MY LITTLE MAN—HERE'S YOUR FINE NATIVES! ONLY A PENNY A LOT."

A PRODIGIOUS NUISANCE.

Learned (but otherwise highly objectionable) Child (loq.). "OH, MAMMA, DEAR! WHAT DO YOU THINK? I ASKED MR. —— AND MISS —— TO NAME SOME OF THE REMARKABLE EVENTS FROM THE YEAR 700 TO THE YEAR 600 B.C., AND THEY COULDN'T. BUT I CAN—AND—THE SECOND MESSINIAN WAR COMMENCED; AND—THE POET TYRTÆUS FLOURISHED; BYZANTIUM WAS FOUNDED BY THE INHABITANTS OF MEGARA; DRACO GAVE LAWS TO ATHENS; TERPANDER OF LESBOS, THE MUSICIAN AND POET; THALES OF MILETUS, THE PHILOSOPHER; ALCÆUS AND SAPPHO, THE POETS, FLOURISHED; AND NEBUCHADNEZ——"

[Sensation from right and left, during which the voice of Child is happily drowned.

LITTLE BOY HAS A PENN'ORTH—

ALARMING RESULT!

FISHING—WITH FLIES.

THE OLD GENTLEMAN IS IN A HURRY TO GET TO THE STATION—CAB-HORSE JIBS MOST RESOLUTELY.

Old Gent. "NOW, THEN, DRIVER. WHATS THE MATTER?"

Cabman. "OH, IT'S NOTHIN', SIR. HE'S ONLY A LEETLE TOO FRESH, SIR!"

SPEAK AS YOU THINK.

"ARE YOU GOING?"

"WHY, YE-ES. THE FACT IS, THAT YOUR PARTY IS SO SLOW, AND I AM WEALLY SO INFERNALLY BORED, THAT I SHALL GO SOMEWHERE AND SMOKE A QUIET CIGAR."

"WELL, GOOD NIGHT. AS YOU ARE BY NO MEANS HANDSOME, A GREAT PUPPY, AND NOT IN THE LEAST AMUSING, I THINK IT'S THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO."

A HORRIBLE BUSINESS.

Master Butcher. "DID YOU TAKE OLD MAJOR DUMBLEDORE'S RIBS TO NO. 12?"

Boy. "YES, SIR."

Master Butcher. "THEN CUT MISS WIGGLES'S SHOULDER AND NECK, AND HANG MR. FOODLE'S LEGS TILL THEY'RE QUITE TENDER!"

No. II.

MR. BRIGGS IS WEIGHED, OF COURSE.

No. III.

HIS FRIENDS RECOMMEND HIM A LITTLE JUMPING POWDER.

No. IV.

HERE HE TAKES A PRELIMINARY CANTER, AND PUTS HIS HORSE AT A FLIGHT OF HURDLES.

V.

AND GETS OVER VERY CLEVERLY.

No. VI.

SOME TIME AFTER THE START, MR. BRIGGS GOES ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE FLAG, AND IS OBLIGED TO GO BACK, WHICH, AS THE GROUND IS RATHER HEAVY, "TAKES IT OUT OF OLD BLUNDERBUSS CONSIDERABLY."

No. VII.

WHO, IN CONSEQUENCE, MAKES A MISTAKE AT THE NEXT FENCE.

No. VIII.

HOWEVER, MR. BRIGGS IS NOT HURT; AND, AFTER SOME EXERTION, RE-MOUNTS.

No. IX.

MR. BRIGGS, AS HE APPEARED COMING TO THE BROOK. IN THE DISTANCE MAY BE OBSERVED HIS OPPONENT, WHO HAS A NASTY FALL, BUT FORTUNATELY TUMBLES ON HIS HEAD.

No. X.

MR. BRIGGS AS HE APPEARED IN THE BROOK.

No XI.

AS HE APPEARED WHEN HE CAME OUT OF THE BROOK.

No. XII.

PORTRAIT OF MR. BRIGGS WINNING THE RACE. N.B. THE DENSE CROWD IS CHEERING HIM.

FRIGHTFUL UPSET OF DIGNITY.

Conductor. "NOW, MARM! WITE-CHAPEL, OR MILE-END?—ONLY A PENNY"

INTERESTING.

"I HAVE CALLED, MR. SQUILLS, TO SAY THAT MY DARLING LITTLE DOG (!) HAS TAKEN ALL HIS MIXTURE, BUT HIS COUGH IS NO BETTER."

A SELL.

Enter Sporting Youth, who has lost the hounds.

Youth. "SEEN THE HOUNDS GO THROUGH HERE, PIKEY?"

Pikey. "E-AS, A HAVE—TUPPENSE!"

A lapse of twenty minutes is supposed to have taken place, when Youth pays the twopence and gallops on.

IS IT SO?

Old Lady (loq.). "BLESS MY HEART! HOW RIDICULOUSLY SMALL THEY DO MAKE THE EYES OF THE NEEDLES NOW-A-DAYS, TO BE SURE!"

Re-enter Sporting Youth.

Youth (in a high state of excitement). "WHY, CONFOUND YOU! I THOUGHT YOU TOLD ME YOU HAD SEEN THE HOUNDS GO THROUGH HERE?"

Pikey. "E-AS, SO A DID; SEED 'EM YESTERDAY!"

PRIDE.

Page. "THAT POOR DEVIL AIN'T MIXED MUCH IN SOCIETY."

A BOAT FOR AN HOUR.

Stout Gentleman. "WHAT! IS THAT THE ONLY BOAT YOU HAVE IN?"

FISHING OFF BRIGHTON.

"OH, YES! IT'S VERY EASY TO SAY 'CATCH HOLD OF HIM!'"

AGGRAVATING—RATHER!

FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE.

"OH! HERE'S A GO! BLOWED IF I AIN'T LOST MY DIAMOND RING!"

PORTRAIT OF A LADY.

JUST LIKE HIM.

MR. BR—GGS (We suppress the Gentleman's name for obvious reasons) THINKS HE WILL GO TO HAMPTON RACES.

No. II.

HAVING A LITTLE BALL PRACTICE.

No. III.

GOING ON DUTY.

GROUNDLESS ALARM.

Equestrian. "NOW, BOY, DON'T YOU BE TAKING OFF YOUR HAT TO MAKE ME A BOW—YOU'LL FRIGHTEN MY HORSE."

Boy. "A—A—A WARN'T A-GOING TO!"

WOUNDED PRIDE.

Small Boy. "NOW, THEN, YOU SIR! DON'T YOU KNOW NO BETTER THAN TO RUN AGIN A MIMBER O' PARLIAMENT—JUST YOU COME BACK, AND PICK UP MY 'AT, OR I'M BLOWED IF I DON'T MAKE YER!"

ONLY A PENNY! A SENSIBLE AND INGENIOUS TOY FOR CHILDREN.

(See London Streets.)

TOPSY-TURVEYDOM.

AN ORNAMENT TO SOCIETY.

Equestrian. "NO, I SHAN'T STOP FOR THE LAST RACE; I MUST GET TO TOWN TO GO TO AN EVENING PARTY."

MIGHT IS RIGHT.

Van Driver. "I DON'T KNOW NUTHUN ABOUT NO RIGHT SIDES NOR WRONG SIDES. YOU GET OUT OF THE WAY, IF YER DON'T WANT TO BE MADE A WAFER OF!"

[Where are the Police?

THE SILVER AGE.

Emma. "WHAT DO YOU THINK, DEAR GRAN'MA? THE LADIES IN PARIS WEAR THEIR HAIR TAKEN OFF THE FOREHEAD AND SPRINKLED WITH SILVER!"

Grandma. "DO THEY, INDEED! WELL, MY DARLING, SO LONG AS THEY ARE RESPECTABLE, THERE CAN BE NO HARM IN GREY LOCKS."

DELIGHTS OF TRAVEL.

"DEAR! DEAR! DEAR! HOW VERY PROVOKING! HERE'S ONE END OF THE BARREL COME OUT, AND ALL THE OYSTERS MIXED WITH MY CLEAN COLLARS!"

A MYSTERIOUS VISITOR.

Domestic. "HERE'S MISS BRADSHAW, MUM, HAS JUST COME; SHE'S GONE UP-STAIRS, MUM."

Angelina. "OH, VERY WELL—I WILL—"

Edwin. "BRADSHAW!! WHO THE DEUCE IS MISS BRADSHAW?"

Angelina. "OH, IT'S NOTHING OF CONSEQUENCE, DEAR—SHALL I GIVE YOU SOME MORE TEA, DEAR?"

Edwin. "YES; BUT WHO IS MISS BRADSHAW? WHY CAN'T YOU TELL ME WHO MISS BRADSHAW IS?"

Angelina. "LAW! EDWIN! IF YOU MUST KNOW, IT'S—IT'S—TH'—THE DRESSMAKER."

YOUNG AFFECTION.

No. I.

WHEN YOU CROSS THE CHANNEL, ESPECIALLY IF IT SHOULD BE BLOWING HARD, "KEEP YOUR PECKER UP" (AS THAT AGREEABLE RATTLE, YOUNG FIPPSON, CALLS IT) BY MAKING A HEARTY MEAL AT THE "SHIP" OR "PAVILION."

No. III.
THE RESULT.

CONSOLS AT 90.

Husband. "WELL! I DECLARE I'M QUITE GLAD IT'S A WET DAY. IT WILL BE AN EXCUSE TO STOP AT HOME WITH MY DARLING LITTLE PIPSEY POPSY. WHAT DO YOU SAY, DICKEY! EH? PRETTY DICK! PRETTY DICK!"

CONSOLS AT 80.

Husband. "GO OUT FOR A WALK! NONSENSE! I'VE SOMETHING ELSE TO DO. I THINK TOO, YOU MIGHT PULL DOWN THAT BLIND, UNLESS YOU WANT THE SUN TO SPOIL ALL THE FURNITURE; AND, DEAR, DEAR, DO FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, JEMIMA, TAKE THAT D—— CANARY OUT OF THE ROOM!"

A BIT OF SERIOUS PANTOMIME.

A MESSAGE FROM THE LORDS.

ANOTHER BIT OF SERIOUS PANTOMIME.

"HATS OFF, STRANGERS!"

AN ANCIENT IMPOSTOR.

Youths. "THEN, I SUPPOSE, WHEN YOU WERE A SMUGGLER, YOU USED TO HAVE REG'LAR COMBATS AND FIGHTS?"

Boatman. "COMBATS AND FIGHTS! LOR LOVE YER, WE WOS A'MOST ALWAYS AT IT. ONCE IN PARTICKLER I CALL TO MIND. I HAD THREE BALLS THROUGH MY HEAD AND TWO IN THE STUMMUCK (WHICH I FEEL 'EM NOW SOMETIMES IN THE WINTER I DO), BESIDES BEIN' RUN THROUGH WITH A CUTLASS, AND ALL MY FRONT TEETH KNOCKED OUT BY THE PERWENTIVE MAN'S TELESCOPE, WICH LUCKILY SHUT UP, OR THERE'S NO KNOWIN' WOT MIGHT 'A BIN THE CONSEQUENCE. AH! THERE WOS GOINGS ON THEN. BUT, LOR, IT AIN'T NOTHIN' LIKE IT NOW!"

[Youths are deeply impressed.

A REFLECTION.

ALTHOUGH POLICEMEN ARE PLACED AT PARTICULAR SPOTS FOR THE PURPOSE OF MAKING OMNIBUSES "MOVE ON," THEY ARE GENERALLY SEEN CHATTING, OR CRACKING THE FRIENDLY WALNUT WITH THE CONDUCTORS, TO THE INCONVENIENCE AND INDIGNATION OF THE PASSENGERS. HOW IS THIS?

SHAKSPEARE A LITTLE ALTERED.

"HE LIVED NOT WISELY, BUT TOO WELL."

USELESS INFORMATION.

"NOW, MARM, THIS GOES TO THE CHRISTIAL PALIS."

"BLESS THE MAN! I DON'T WANT NO CHRISTIAL PALISES. I AM GOIN' TO THE BOROUGH."

OVER THE STYLE.

HAYMAKING.

No. IX.
THE BIVOUAC.

No. X.
AT BUSINESS.

Militia Man (loq.). "ALEXANDER, WHEN YOU'VE TITTIVATED THAT GENT, YOU MUST COME TO DRILL."

COMPARATIVE LOVE.

Papa. "SO, CHARLEY, YOU REALLY ARE IN LOVE WITH THE LITTLE BLACK-EYED GIRL YOU MET LAST NIGHT?"

Charley. "YES, PAPA, I LOVE HER DEARLY!"

Papa. "HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE HER, CHARLEY? DO YOU LOVE HER AS MUCH AS PUDDING?"

Charley. "OH YES, PAPA! AND A GREAT DEAL BETTER THAN PUDDING, BUT (pausing to reflect)—I DON'T LOVE—HER SO MUCH AS—JELLY!"

PLEASURES OF THE STUDIO.

WHEN EVERY MOMENT IS OF CONSEQUENCE, MR. FLAKE WHITE'S MODEL FOR HAMLET APPEARS WITH A BLACK EYE, WHICH HE DECLARES IS THE EFFECT OF INFLUENZA.

No. XII.

OWING TO THE MILDNESS OF THE SEASON, HE LOOKS UP HIS DUCKS.

SO FOND OF IT.

"THERE NOW; THAT'S A CIGAR I CAN CONFIDENTLY RECOMMEND."

"WELL; PUT ME UP A DOZEN TO TRY!"

DIFFERENCE OF VIEW.

Head of the Family. "FOR WHAT WE ARE GOING TO RECEIVE, MAKE US TRULY THANKFUL.—HEM! COLD MUTTON AGAIN!"

Wife of his Bussum. "AND A VERY GOOD DINNER TOO, ALEXANDER, SOMEBODY MUST BE ECONOMICAL. PEOPLE CAN'T EXPECT TO HAVE RICHMOND AND GREENWICH DINNERS OUT OF THE LITTLE HOUSEKEEPING MONEY I HAVE."

WHOLESOME PREJUDICE.

"RAILROADS, SIR? I HATE RAILROADS, AND I SHALL BE VERY GLAD WHEN THEY'RE DONE AWAY WITH, AND WE'VE GOT THE COACHES AGAIN."

PREPARING FOR THE DERBY.

"I SAY, MISTER, JUST PUT US UP A COUPLE OF GREEN WEILS, WILL YER? THE DUST IS SO UNCOMMON DISAGREEABLE A-DRIVING DOWN TO HEPSOM!"

ALL IS VANITY.

A YOUNG PATRICIAN.

First Swell. "WHAT AN ASTONISHING COAT, GUS!"

Second Do. "YA-AS! YOU SEE ALL THE SNOBS DWESS SO INFERN'LY LOUD—THAT FWED AND I THOUGHT WE WOULD COME DOWN VEWY QUIET."

HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN.

A DESIGN, SHOWING HOW THE PRETTY HOODS WORN BY LADIES MIGHT BE MADE USEFUL AS WELL AS ORNAMENTAL.

PERFECT SINCERITY; OR, THINKINGS ALOUD.

No. I.

Mamma. "YOU ARE A DISAGREEABLE OLD BACHELOR, AND GENERALLY HATE CHILDREN, I KNOW—BUT ISN'T DEAR LITTLE WORMWOOD A FINE, NOBLE LITTLE FELLOW?"

Old Gent. "WELL, IF YOU WANT MY CANDID OPINION, I MAY AS WELL TELL YOU AT ONCE—THAT I THINK HIM THE MOST DETESTABLE LITTLE BEAST I EVER SAW—AND IF YOU IMAGINE I AM GOING TO LEAVE HIM ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU HAVE NAMED HIM AFTER ME, YOU ARE MIGHTILY MISTAKEN."

SPELLING A NEWSPAPER.

PERFECT SINCERITY; OR, THINKINGS ALOUD.
No. II.

Artist No. 1. "THERE, MASTER OKER, I FLATTER MYSELF THAT WILL TAKE THE SHINE OUT OF YOUR PRECIOUS PRODUCTION, ALTHOUGH YOU DO THINK NOBODY CAN PAINT BUT YOURSELF."

Artist No. 2. "HEY! DEAR, DEAR, DEAR! THAT'S VERY BAD. BY JOVE, MY BOY, IT'S A DREADFUL FALLING-OFF FROM LAST YEAR. IF I WERE YOU, I SHOULD THINK TWICE BEFORE I SENT IT IN."

Artist No. 1. "MERE ENVY.—ILLIBERAL HUMBUG."

STUDY OF AN ELDERLY FEMALE HAILING THE LAST OMBLEBUS.

PERFECT SINCERITY; OR, THINKINGS ALOUD.
No. III.

Medical Man. "STUPID OLD FOOL! WHY, THERE'S NOTHING THE MATTER WITH HIM, EXCEPT WHAT ARISES FROM HIS OVER EATING AND DRINKING HIMSELF—ONLY I CAN'T AFFORD TO TELL HIM SO."

THE OPERA.

"PLEASE, SIR, GIVE US YOUR TICKET, IF YOU AIN'T A-GOIN' IN AGAIN."

MELANCHOLY SCENE AT THE OPERA ON A CROWDED NIGHT.

AT GREENWICH FAIR.

"AND MELANCHOLY MARK'D HIM FOR HER OWN."

EARLY EDUCATION.

Harry (to TOM). "THERE'S ONE GREAT BORE ABOUT A WATERING-PLACE; THEY SELL SUCH HORRID CIGARS."

MAY-DAY.

DISTRESSING POSITION OF A SENTIMENTAL GENTLEMAN WHO WAS ABOUT TO OFFER HIS HAND AND HEART TO THE OBJECT OF HIS AFFECTIONS.

A CHEAP DAY'S HUNTING.
No. I.

FIRST GET YOUR SEASONED "SCREW."

A CHEAP DAY'S HUNTING.
No. II.

ABOUT FOUR MILES "DOWN THE ROAD" GET PROPERLY SPLASHED AT A PUBLIC-HOUSE.

A CHEAP DAY'S HUNTING.
No. III.

AND RETURN HOME SMOKING A CHEROOT, TO THE ADMIRATION OF THE POPULACE.

UNDENIABLE.

Buyer. "IS HE WELL BROKE?"

Seller. "LOR, BLESS YE! LOOK AT HIS KNEES!"

THE AGRICULTURAL DISTRESS DODGE.

Beggar. "DID YOU GET THE LAMB'S FRY?"

His Child. "ALL RIGHT."

Beggar. "WELL, NOW, RUN HOME AND TELL YER MOTHER NOT TO BOIL THE SPARRERGRASS TILL I COME."

REMONSTRANCE.

London Merchant. "WHY, WHAT IS THE USE OF YOUR BEING IN A RESPECTABLE HOUSE OF BUSINESS IF YOU PROCEED IN THIS ABSURD, VULGAR MANNER? NOW, TAKE MY WORD FOR IT, UNLESS YOU MEND VERY CONSIDERABLY, YOU WILL GO ON FROM BAD TO WORSE. YOU WILL BECOME A PETTY HUCKSTER; FROM THAT YOU WILL, IN ALL PROBABILITY, GET TO BE A MERE COMMON-COUNCILMAN; THEN AN ALDERMAN; WHEN, AFTER A COURSE OF GLUTTONY AND TOMFOOLERY, PAINFUL TO THINK OF, YOU WILL MAKE A RIDICULOUS TERMINATION TO YOUR CONTEMPTIBLE CAREER BY ACTUALLY BECOMING A LORD MAYOR."

No. VIII.
MARY PROTECTING THE WEAKER SEX.

No. IX.
THE ARREST BY BAILIFFS.

"AND SERVE HER RIGHT TOO—EXTRAVAGANCE IN A MAN IS, IN SOME DEGREE, EXCUSABLE, FOR HE KNOWS NO BETTER—BUT, IN A WOMAN, IT IS QUITE UNPARDONABLE."

No. X.
MISS BROWN TAKES HER COUSIN OUT FISHING.

Inferior Animal. "OH DEAR! MISS BROWN! HERE'S A FISH TAKEN ALL MY BAIT. DO COME AND PUT ON ANOTHER WORM!"

No. XI.
THE WOMAN AT THE WHEEL.

No. VII.—BLOOMERISM IN A BALL-ROOM.

Bloomer. "MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF DANCING THE NEXT POLKA WITH YOU?"

No. VIII.—BLOOMERISM AT HOME.

Strong-minded Female. "NOW, DO PRAY, ALFRED, PUT DOWN THAT FOOLISH NOVEL, AND DO SOMETHING RATIONAL. GO, AND PLAY SOMETHING ON THE PIANO; YOU NEVER PRACTISE NOW YOU'RE MARRIED."

No. XI.—THE BARRISTER.

No. XII.—THE HEIRESS.

No. XIII.—THE SAILOR.

MR. 'ARRY BELVILLE ON THE CONTINENT GENERALLY.

'Arry Belville. "YES! I LIKE IT EXTREMELY. I LIKE THE Lazy Ally SORT OF FEELING. I LIKE SITTING AT THE DOOR OF A Caffy TO SMOKE MY CIGAR; AND ABOVE ALL (onter noo) IT'S A GREAT COMFORT TO WEAR ONE'S BEARD WITHOUT BEING LARFED AT!"

SCENE.—BUREAU OF THE CHIEFS OF THE DOUANES.

French Official. "YOU HAVE PASSPORT?"

English Gent. "NONO, MOSSOO."

Official. "YOUR NAME?"

Gent. "BELVILLE."

Official. "CHRISTIAN NOM?"

Gent. "'ARRY!"

Official. "PROFESSION?"

Gent. "BANKER!"

COOL ASSURANCE.

Undergraduate. "YOU DON'T OBJECT TO SMOKING, I HOPE?"

Old Party (probably a Director). "YES, SIR. I OBJECT VERY MUCH INDEED! IN FACT, I HAVE THE STRONGEST OBJECTION TO SMOKING!!!"

Undergraduate. "HM! HA! SOME PEOPLE HAVE."

[Smokes for the next fifty miles.

FASHIONS FOR FAST MEN.

Tom. "WHICH DO YOU LIKE BEST FOR TROUSERS, BILL, CHECKS OR STRIPES?"

Bill. "WELL, I THINK CHECKS ARE UNCOMMON SUPERIOR, BUT STRIPES IS MOST NOBBY."

THOSE SHOCKING CLUBS.

Charley (who is rather addicted to betting). "—AND TALKING OF GOODWOOD RACES, WE'VE GOT SUCH A JOLLY SWEEP AT OUR CLUB!"

Constance. "A SWEEP, CHARLES!—WELL! I NEVER THOUGHT MUCH OF YOUR CLUB FRIENDS, BUT I DIDN'T THINK YOU ASSOCIATED WITH PEOPLE OF THAT SORT!"

IN A VERY BAD WAY.

"WHY, YOU SEEM QUITE WRETCHED, FRANK!"

"WRETCHED, MY BOY! AH, YOU MAY IMAGINE HOW WRETCHED I AM, WHEN I TELL YOU I DON'T EVEN CARE HOW MY TWOWSERS ARE MADE!"

TRUTH IS GREAT.

Unsophisticated Little Girl. "NOW, YOU A'DONE, BILLY. IF YOU AIN'T QUIET DIRECTLY, I'LL GIVE YER TO THIS GREAT, BIG HUGLY MAN!"

[Immense delight of Swell in gorgeous array.

A DELUSION.

Dean. "WELL, SIR?"

Small University Man (under the impression that he has irritated the Dean by his conspicuous moustachios). "I BELIEVE YOU WANTED TO SPEAK TO ME, SIR, ABOUT—ABOUT—MY MOUSTACHIOS!"

Dean. "SOME MISTAKE, SIR! I DIDN'T PERCEIVE THAT YOU HAD ANY!"

DREADFUL DESTITUTION.

First. "MY DEAR FRANK—WHAT IS THE MATTER, OLD BOY?"

Second. "OH! I AM DISTRESSED TO DEATH ABOUT MONEY MATTERS—I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SHALL DO? WHY, HERE'S JENNY LIND COMING OUT ON THURSDAY, AND I POSITIVELY HAVEN'T THE MONEY TO PAY FOR A BOX!"

A PLEDGE OF AFFECTION.

Angelina. "WILL MY DARLING EDWIN GRANT HIS ANGELINA A BOON?"

Edwin. "IS THERE ANYTHING ON EARTH HER EDWIN WOULD NOT DO FOR HIS PET?—NAME THE BOON, OH, DEAREST—NAME IT!"

Angelina. "THEN, LOVE, AS WE DINE BY OURSELVES TO-MORROW, LET US, OH! LET US HAVE ROAST PORK, WITH PLENTY OF SAGE AND ONIONS!"

MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT.—No. I.

Gent. "I SAY, MOSEY! WHY DON'T YER GO THE 'OLE 'OG, AND LET ALL YER BEARD GROW, LIKE ME?"

OUR BOYS.

Master Tom (to Old Lady who is very nervous about fire). "IT'S ALL RIGHT, GRANMA! MY CANDLE IS OUT. I'M ONLY SMOKING MY USUAL WEED!"

OH!

Lady. "YOU DON'T MEAN TO TELL ME, MARY, THAT MY NEW CRYSTAL MILK JUG IS BRO——!"

Mary. "YES, 'M, IT'S THE ORKERDEST JUG AS HEVER I SEE—IT JEST TOOK AND TUMBLED RIGHT OFF ITS 'ANDLE!! WHICH IT'S LEFT ITS 'ANDLE IN MY 'AND, 'M."

SOCIAL STRUGGLES.

NOTHING LIKE SYSTEM.

"AW! PUMMELL, WHAT DO I OWE YOU?"

"OH! NOT MUCH, SIR. IT'S OF NO CONSEQUENCE."

"AW! NO. BUT I THINK OF TAKING THE BENEFIT OF THE ACT ABOUT CHRISTMAS; AND AS A MAN OF SYSTEM, I AM VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT EXACT AMOUNTS."

PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL.

Maid. "LAW BLESS YER! THAT AIN'T MISSUS'S OWN 'AIR; IT'S A WIG!"

PUNCTUALITY IS THE SOUL OF BUSINESS.

"NO-O-O. GOOD-NIGHT, OLD CHAP! BUSINESS IS THE SOUL OF PUNCTUALITY. I MUST GO NOW. I'VE GOT SOME BUSI-BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO—(hic)—LET-TERS TO—WRITE!"

EXTREMES MEET.

"THIS IS YOUR BED, SIR!"

A LARGE BUMP OF CAUTION.

Flora. "OH, LET US SIT HERE, AUNT. THE BREEZE IS SO DELIGHTFUL."

Aunt. "YES, DOVE!—IT'S VERY NICE, I DARE SAY; BUT I WON'T COME ANY NEARER TO THE CLIFF, FOR I AM ALWAYS AFRAID OF SLIPPING THROUGH THOSE RAILINGS!"

HEART-BREAKING.

Philanthropist. "WHAT NOW, MY MAN?"

Street Boy. "THEY'VE BEEN AND GONE AND SPIKED MY PEA-SHOOTER!"

A VICTIM OF PLEASURE.

"WHAT A STUNNING MEERSCHAUM YOU'VE GOT THERE, CHARLEY!"

"YES, I THINK IT WILL BE HANDSOME BY THE TIME I'VE PROPERLY COLOURED IT."

A YOUNG PHILOSOPHER.

First Butcher-Boy. "SO THEY'VE DONE AWAY WITH SMITHFEL!"

Second Butcher-Boy. "AH! THEY'LL SOON BE BOWLING OUT HALL OUR OLD INSTITOOSHUNS."

A VERY GREAT MAN.

"NOW, COLLINS YOU MUST GO OUT VERY DEEP, FOR I WANT TO TAKE A 'HEADER!'"

AQUATICS.

Flora. "WELL, BUT, TOMMY! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN ROW BOTH OF US?"

Tommy (who fancies himself a perfect Athlete in high condition). "ROW YOU! WHY, JUST YOU LOOK HERE; HERE'S A BICEPS MUSCLE FOR YOU!"

SERVANTGALISM.—No. II.

Housemaid. "WELL, SOOSAN, I'VE MADE UP MY MIND NOT TO STOP 'ERE NO LONGER TO WORK LIKE NEGROES AS WE DO!"

Cook. "NOR I, NUTHER! BUT JUST TURN THE MEAT, WILL YOU, PLEASE, THE WHILST I FINISH MY CROCHET?"

IMPROVEMENT IN IRISH AFFAIRS.

"WHOO!—WILL ANY JINTLEMAN BE SO ENGAGIN' AS TO THREAD ON THE TAIL OF ME REGISTHERED PALLYTOE?"

SERVANTGALISM.—No. III.

Old Lady. "WHAT IS IT, BOY?"

Boy. "PLEASE'M—IT'S A PAIR OF WHITE SATING SHOES, AND THE LADY'S FAN WOT'S BIN MENDED—NAME OF MISS JULIER PEARLASH!"

Old Lady. "MISS!!!!!?????"

Voice from the Area. "OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT, MUM. IT'S ME!"

AN IRISH HOTEL.

Traveller. "HOLLO! WHAT THE DEUCE ARE YOU ABOUT WITH THAT GRIDIRON?"

Chambermaid. "TO BE SURE, IT'S YER HONOUR'S BED I'M WARMING; AND AIN'T OUR WARMING-PAN ENGAGED FRYING SAUSAGES?"

SERVANTGALISM.—No. IV.

Servant Gal. "WELL, MAM—HEVERYTHINK CONSIDERED—I'M AFRAID YOU WONT SUIT ME. I'VE ALWAYS BIN BROUGHT UP GENTEEL; AND I COULDN'T GO NOWHERES WHERE THERE AIN'T NO FOOTMAN KEP'."

SERVANTGALISM.—No. V.

Servant Gal (who has quarrelled with her bread-and-butter). "IF YOU PLEASE, MA'AM, I FIND THERE'S COLD MEAT FOR DINNER IN THE KITCHEN, DID YOU EXPECT ME TO EAT IT?"

Lady. "OF COURSE I EXPECT YOU TO EAT IT, AND AN EXCELLENT DINNER, TOO."

Servant. "OH, THEN, IF YOU PLEASE'M, I SHOULD LIKE TO LEAVE THIS DAY WEEK."

[Exit idiot.

AT ASCOT.

THE ONLY "PARTIES" WHO ENJOYED THE WET DAY.

MAKING THE BEST OF IT.

Enthusiast. "THIS IS REALLY ADMIRABLE!—I GET MY SWIM—AND A SHOWER BATH IN!"

THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT.—No. II.

"MY EYE, TOM, WHAT A 'ORRID BORE IT MUST BE FOR THE HORFICER SWELLS, NOW WE'VE TOOK TO WEARIN' OUR MOOSTARCHERS. THE GALS CAN'T TELL US FROM THEM, NOW!"

BATTLEDORE AND SHUTTLECOCK.

THE POPULAR AND AMUSING GAME AS AT PRESENT PLAYED IN THE PRINCIPAL THOROUGHFARES.

THE SEA-SIDE HAT.

WHAT IS ENOUGH FOR ONE IS ENOUGH FOR TWO.

HOW TO ESCAPE FROM A SCOLDING WIFE.

Patient (inhaling Ether). "THIS IS REALLY QUITE DELIGHTFUL—A MOST BEAUTIFUL DREAM."

A BIT OF HIS MIND.

Edward (to his Military Cousin). "NO! I SHAN'T! I SHAN'T GO AND SHOOT BLACKBIRDS; AND I TELL YOU WHAT, MASTER CHARLEY, YOU DRAGOON SWELLS WON'T HAVE QUITE SUCH A PULL UPON US CIVILIANS NOW, FOR WE ARE ALL GOING TO GROW BEARDS AND MOUSTACHIOS."

HOW TO GET A CONNECTION.

Shopman (to Ancient Party). "YES, MISS—THANK YOU, MISS—IS THERE ANY OTHER ARTICLE, MISS?—CAN WE SEND IT FOR YOU, MISS?"

[Old Lady thinks it SUCH a nice shop, and SUCH well-behaved young men.

SERVANTGALISM.—No. VII.

'Ousemaid (from Town). "IS HANN JENKINS AT HOME?"

Suburban Cook. "NO, SHE HAS JUST GONE TO HER MILLINER'S!"

'Ousemaid. "THEN GIVE HER MY CARD, PLEASE, AND SAY, I 'OPE SHE GOT HOME SAFELY FROM THE BALL."

AN ALARMING MESSAGE.

"IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, MOTHER'S TOOK THE LOTION, AND RUBBED HER LEG WITH THE MIXTURE!"

A MISTAKEN IMPRESSION.

First Young Lady. "OH, DEAR. HOW DULL THE OLD TOWN IS, NOW ALL THE OFFICERS ARE GONE ABROAD!"

Second ditto (a trifle older). "H'M—FOR MY PART, I'M VERY GLAD THEY'RE GONE, FOR THEY WERE ALWAYS FOLLOWING ONE ABOUT!"

TOUCHING SIMPLICITY.

Little Wife (eagerly opening the door for dear Edwin). "OH, SEE, DEAR, WHAT I HAVE FOR YOU—I'M SURE UNCLE HAS GOT YOU AN APPOINTMENT UNDER GOVERNMENT AT LAST—FOR HERE'S A LETTER MARKED IMMEDIATE, AND 'ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE!'"

[Poor little soul! what does she know about Rates and Taxes?

AN AGED JUVENILE.

Miss Flora Macfungus. "I DARESAY YOU THINK ME A VERY ODD GIRL; AND, INDEED, MAMMA SAYS I'M A GIDDY, THOUGHTLESS CREATURE, AND"—

Partner. "OH, HERE'S A VACANT SEAT, I THINK."

JUDICIOUS!

"STAND ON MY HEAD, MARM, FOR A PENNY."

"NO, LITTLE BOY—THERE IS A PENNY FOR KEEPING RIGHT END UPWARDS."

POULTRY FANCIES.

NAUGHTY LITTLE BOY A "COCHIN" IT FOR THROWING STONES AT THE FOWLS.

INDISCRETION.

Lydia. "DON'T, HORACE.—LOOK AT OLD TOMKINS SITTING AT HIS WINDOW."

CURIOUS MODE OF CONDUCTING A RETAIL ESTABLISHMENT.

A VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCES.

Old Gentleman. "WHY, FREDERICK, WHAT A DISGRACEFUL STATE YOU'RE IN, SIR!—WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"

Frederick. "COULDN'T—GET A SEAT—SO—I'VE BEEN—TO—TH'—CLUB."

EFFECTS OF SALT WATER, AS OBSERVED AT THE REGATTA BALL.

— Weatherspoon, Esq. (of the Oriana, R.V.S.). "I SAY, TOM, WHAT'S THAT LITTLE CRAFT WITH THE BLACK VELVET FLYING AT THE FORE, CLOSE UNDER THE LEE-SCUPPERS OF THE MAN-OF-WAR?"

Honourable Binnacle (of the Matilda, R.V.Y.C.). "WHY, FROM HER FORE AND AFT RIG, AND THE CUT OF HER MAINSAIL, I SHOULD SAY SHE'S DOWN FROM THE PORT OF LONDON; BUT I'LL SIGNAL THE COMMODORE TO COME AND INTRODUCE US."

TERRIBLE ACCIDENT.

"WE KNEW HOW IT WOULD BE—GIRLS HOLDING THOSE GREAT ROUND HATS OVER THEIR EYES, SO THAT THEY CAN'T SEE WHERE THEY ARE GOING.—WHY HERE'S FLORA PLUMLEY RUN RIGHT INTO THE ARMS OF THAT YOUNG HORACE SPANKER, WHO HASN'T A PENNY."—Extract from our Aunt's Letter.

OFF THE FORELAND.

Old Lady (loquitur). "NOW, MY GOOD MAN, I HOPE YOU ARE SURE IT WOULD REALLY DO ME GOOD, BECAUSE I CANNOT TOUCH IT BUT AS MEDICINE!"

THE NEW ARRIVAL.

No. I.—CROWDED STATE OF LODGING-HOUSES.

Lodging-house Keeper. "ON'Y THIS ROOM TO LET, MEM. A FOUR POST—A TENT—AND A VERY COMFORTABLE DOUBLE-BEDDED CHEST OF DRAWERS FOR THE YOUNG GENTLEMEN."

No. II.—YOUNG ENGLAND.

"DOOCED GRATIFYING, AIN'T IT CHARLES, TO SEE SA MUCH IN-DASTRY?"

No. III.—PUZZLED VISITORS.

"MON DIEU, ALPHONSE! REGARDEZ-DONC. COMMENT APPELLE-T-ON CETTE MACHINE LÀ?"

"TIENS, C'EST DRÔLE—MAIS JE NE SAIS PAS."

No. IV.—WONDERFUL OBJECTS.

A GENTLEMAN FROM THE COUNTRY MISTAKES THE CRYSTAL SENT BY THE DUKE OF DEVONSHIRE FOR THE KOH-I-NOOR DIAMOND.

No. V.—THEATRICAL DEPRESSION.

Manager. "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN—A—I MEAN RESPECTED INDIVIDUAL,—IN CONSEQUENCE OF THE GREAT ATTRACTION OF THE EXHIBITION OF CRYSTAL PALACE, I BEG TO ANNOUNCE TO YOU THAT THIS RIDICULOUS FARCE OF OPENING MY THEATRE WILL NOT BE REPEATED; AND YOUR ORDER WILL BE RETURNED TO YOU ON APPLICATION AT THE BOX-OFFICE."

VI.—A STAGGERER FOR AN EXCURSIONIST.

Foreigner (with profuse gesticulation). "PARDON, M'SIEU! FAUT-IL ALLER A DROITE, A GAUCHE, OU EN FACE, POUR ME RENDRE À PEEK-A-PEEK-A-DELEE?" (Piccadilly.)

No. VII.—HOTELS ARE QUITE FULL.

Waterman. "VAT TIME WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR HOT WATER, SIR?"

No. VIII.—AWFUL RESULT OF GIVING A SEASON TICKET TO YOUR WIFE.

Mary. "PLEASE, SIR, COOK'S GONE OUT FOR A HOLIDAY; AND MISSUS DIDN'T SAY NOTHING ABOUT NO DINNER, SIR. MISSUS WENT EARLY TO THE EXHIBITION WITH SOME LUNCH IN A BASKET, AND SAID SHE SHOULDN'T BE HOME UNTIL TEA TIME."

No. XI.—NEW FASHIONS.

Hatter. "YOU COULDN'T HAVE A MORE BECOMING HAT, SIR—AND THEY'LL BE A GREAT DEAL WORN AT THE OPENING OF THE EXHIBITION."

No. XII.—SINCERE GRIEF AT THE DESTRUCTION OF THE CRYSTAL PALACE.

Omnibus Man. "OH, WHAT A HORRID SHAME TO PULL DOWN SUCH A B-B-B-BE-AUTIFUL B-B-B-UILDING!"

No. XIV.—AN INTERESTING COUPLE.

THEY CAN'T THINK WHERE MAMMA CAN HAVE GOT TO—THEY HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR HER EVERYWHERE.

[N.B. The most remote Refreshment-room selected.

No. XV.—REFRESHMENT ROOM.

Visitor. "PINT O' BEER, MISS, PLEASE."

Miss. "DON'T KEEP IT. YOU CAN HAVE A STRAWBERRY ICE AND A WAFER."

No. XIX.

HERE YOU HAVE A REPRESENTATION OF THAT NOBLE CHARACTER, THE BRITISH MERCHANT, TAKING LEAVE OF HIS SENSES—AND HIS BUSINESS—TO LOUNGE ABOUT THE CRYSTAL PALACE.

No. XX.

THE TRADESMAN AT THE WEST END IS OBLIGED TO GIVE UP HIS TRADE, AND BREED POULTRY.

No. XXIII.
MR. CHAWBACON "COMING DOWN."

No. XXIV.
FANCY PORTRAIT OF THE GENTLEMAN WHO HAS BEEN HONOURABLY MENTIONED BY PRINCE ALBERT!

"HONOURABLY MENTIONED, INDEED! IS THAT ALL? SCANDALOUS!"

FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS.

Assiduous Young Curate. "WELL, THEN, I DO HOPE I SHALL HAVE THE PLEASURE OF SEEING BOTH OF YOU NEXT SUNDAY!"

Miner. "OI, THEE MAY'ST COAM IF 'E WULL. WE FOIGHT ON THE CROFT, AND OLD JOE TANNER BRINGS TH' BEER."

WHAT WILL HE DO WITH THEM?

Youthful Costermonger. "NOW THEN, GUV'NER, 'AVE THE LAST ROPE FOR A PENNY!"

FRIENDLY, BUT VERY UNPLEASANT.

Lively Party (charging ELDERLY GENTLEMAN with his umbrella). "HULLO, JONES!"

[Disgust of ELDERLY PARTY, whose name is SMITH.

AN EASY FORECAST.

Gipsy. "HAVE YOUR FORTUNE TOLD, MY PRETTY GENTLEMAN?"

Pretty Gent. "OH! LAWK! DON'T MENTION IT!"

WHERE IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS.

Engineer. "DON'T BE ALARMED, MA'AM, IT'S ONLY A DUMPY LEVELLER."

Old Lady. "LAW! DEAR NOW! WELL, I'M SURE I THOUGHT IT WAS A BLUNDERBUST. BUT DON'T FIRE IT OFF, YOUNG MAN, TILL I'M GOT BY, FOR I WAS ALWAYS TERRIBLE FEARED OF GUNS."

MARCH OF LUXURY.

Customer. "HI! JAMES."

Potboy. "NOW THEN, WHAT IS IT?"

Customer. "JUST POP MY ARF-AN-ARF IN THE HICE FOR A MINIT. THAT'S A GOOD LAD."

A HORRIBLE IDEA.

First Languid Swell. "GOOD GWACIOUS, ALFRED! ARE YOU ILL?"

Second ditto, ditto (gasping). "ILL! AW! YES! NO! I SHALL BE ALL RIGHT DIRECTLY. BUT—I—CONFESS—THE—SIGHT OF THAT FEMALE'S UMBRELLAW—COMPLETELY—FLAWED ME—MY DEAR CHARLES—CONCEIVE BEING OBLIGED TO CARRY—BUT NO, THE THOUGHT IS—TOO HORRIBLE!"

[They shudder, and walk on.

FINE BUSINESS, INDEED! THE WRETCH!

Master of the House. "OH! MARY! WHAT IS THERE FOR DINNER TO-DAY?"

Mary. "I THINK, SIR, IT'S COLD MUTTON, SIR."

Master of the House. "H'M!—OH! TELL YOUR MISTRESS, WHEN SHE COMES IN, THAT I MAY POSSIBLY BE DETAINED IN THE CITY ON BUSINESS, AND SHE IS ON NO ACCOUNT TO WAIT DINNER FOR ME."

IMPUDENCE.

Horse Guard. "NOW, YOU BOY! YOU MUSN'T HANG ABOUT HERE."

Boy. "OH! YES, MR. HANGABOUT. I SUPPOSE I MAY SET MY WATCH BY YOUR CLOCK, AS WELL AS ANY OTHER GENT."

GORGEOUS SPECTACLE.

Sarah Jane. "OH, BETSY, COME 'ERE, AND BRING HISABELLER! WE CAN SEE THE 'OOFS OF THE 'ORSES!!"

NATIVE POLITENESS.

Boy (to be-witch-ing Old Lady of Fashion). "WAS YOU A LOOKING FOR A BROOM, MARM?"

"YOUTH AT THE PROW, AND PLEASURE AT THE HELM."

"THE HAPPY PAIR THEN STARTED FOR THE CONTINENT, VIA FOLKESTONE, TO SPEND THE HONEYMOON."

TOO POPULAR BY HALF.

Boy (singing). "LOVER-LY LUCY NEAL, OH LOVER-LY LUCY NEAL, HIF I 'AD YOU BY MY SI-I-HIDE, 'OW 'APPY I SHOULD FEEL!"

TASTE IN THE DRAWING-ROOM.—VILLIKINS AND HIS DINAH.

Young Lady (who ought to know better). "NOW, WILLIAM, YOU ARE NOT LOW ENOUGH YET. BEGIN AGAIN AT 'HE TOOK THE COLD PIZEN.'"

APPROPRIATE.

First Citizen. "I SAY, BILL—I WONDER WHAT HE CALLS HISSELF?"

Second Ditto. "BLOWED IF I KNOW!—BUT I CALLS HIM A BLOATED HARISTOCRAT."

MIGHT VERSUS RIGHT.

Navigator. "WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY?"

Policeman. "WHY, I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE STATION HOUSE, IF YOU DON'T MOVE ON."

Navigator. "YOU TAKE ME TO THE STATION-HOUSE? TEN ON YOU MIGHT!"

TRAVELLERS' REQUISITES.

Railway Porter. "ANY LUGGAGE, SIR?"

Traveller. "YAS—CARPET-BAG AND CIGAR-CASE."

MOST DISTRESSING.

POOR STUBBS!—JUST AS HE MEETS THOSE NICE GIRLS HE ADMIRED SO AT M.'S PARTY, AN ENORMOUS BLACK SETTLES ON HIS NOSE. HE LOSES ALL PRESENCE OF MIND.

HOW TO FLATTER A GENT.

Mr. Noses. "GOT ANY OLD CLOTHES, SIR? (whispers) ANY LEFT-OFF UNIFORMS, CAPTAIN?"

EDUCATIONAL MOVEMENT.

Man of Refinement. "NOW DON'T, MY GOOD MAN—PRAY DON'T!—I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY. YOU ARE GOING TO SAY 'YA!—HA!—SPARRERGRASS.' DO ALLOW ME TO PERSUADE YOU TO CALL IT ASPARAGUS—AND HERE IS SIXPENCE FOR YOU."

PLEASURES OF HOUSEKEEPING.

THE INTELLIGENT READER IS REQUESTED TO IMAGINE THAT THE GATES IN THE ABOVE CARTOON HAVE JUST BEEN THOROUGHLY CLEANED, AND FRESH PAINTED. ON HIS RETURN FROM THE CITY, MR. BRIGGS FINDS THAT RUDE BOYS (TOTALLY REGARDLESS OF HIS FEELINGS) HAVE BEEN FARTHER DECORATING THEM.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

MAN IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE TAKEN THE WRONG TURNING—THAT'S ALL!

SUGGESTIVE OF A PICTURESQUE FIGURE.

Stout Old Gentleman. "A SHOWER-BATH MAKE YOUR HAIR IN A MESS! NOT A BIT OF IT, IF YOU WEAR AN OIL-SKIN CAP LIKE THIS, AS I DO."

THE RETURN FROM A MASQUERADE.

DOUBTFUL.

Boy. "COME IN, SIR! YOU'VE NO CALL TO BE AFRAID! I'VE GOT HIM QUITE TIGHT."

A CAUSE FOR REPROOF.

Lady (severely). "JANET, I MUST DESIRE YOU TO GO AT ONCE AND DRESS YOUR HAIR IN A BECOMING MANNER, AND NOT TO IMITATE ME SO ABSURDLY."

AWKWARD CONSEQUENCES OF REMOVING THE SOLDIERS FROM KNIGHTSBRIDGE.

Housemaid. "IF YOU PLEASE 'M, ME, AND COOK, AND MARY, WISHES TO LEAVE, THIS DAY MONTH, MA'AM."

REDUCED CIRCUMSTANCES.

Mary. "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, IF YOU'VE DONE WITH THE INK, WILL YOU LET WILLIAM HAVE IT TO CLEAN YOUR BOOTS? BECAUSE IT'S ALL THE BLACKING WE'VE GOT IN THE HOUSE."

THE CONSTITUTIONAL WALK.

Lady. "DEAR, DEAR, IT'S COMING ON TO RAIN! RUN, JAMES! QUICK, AND FETCH AN UMBRELLA, AND TWO PARASOLS. I'M AFRAID MY POOR DEAR COCHINS WILL GET THE RHEUMATISM."

THE DOCILE HUSBAND.

JEALOUSY.

Chorus (of Nice Young Ladies). "OH! OF ALL AND OF ALL I NEVER! ISN'T IT THE DARLINGIST, SWEETEST, PRETTIEST, LITTLE DEAR DARLING DARLING! OH! DID YOU EVER!!"

Solo (by horrid plain-spoken Boy). "H'M! I THINK IT'S A NASTY, UGLY LITTLE BEAST, FOR ALL THE WORLD LIKE A CAT OR A MONKEY."

[Sensation.

A NICE TEAM.

A BRILLIANT IDEA.

Matilda. "OH, LOOK YE HERE, TOMMY! S'POSE WE PLAY AT YOUR BEING THE BIG FOOTMAN, AND ME AND LIZZERBUTH'LL BE THE FINE LADIES IN THE CARRIDGE!"

AN EXPERIENCED VETERAN.

Managing Mamma. "MY GOODNESS, ELLEN, HOW WRETCHEDLY PALE YOU LOOK! FOR GOODNESS' SAKE BITE YOUR LIPS AND RUB YOUR CHEEKS."

EXTREME DELICACY.

Exquisite in Cab. "AW—BE KIND ENOUGH, IF YOU PLEASE, TO FETCH—AW—AN—AW—UMBRELLAW, AND HOLD IT OV-AW ME WHILE I—AW—GET OUT."

THE WELLINGTON STATUE.

AWFUL APPARITION TO A GENTLEMAN WHILST SHAVING, IN THE EDGEWARE ROAD.

AN INQUIRING MIND.

Omnibus Driver. "REELY NOW! AND SO THE 'LECTRIC FLUID TAKES A MESSAGE BETWEEN DOVER AND CALAIS. (Inquiringly.) PRAY, SIR, WOT'S IT LIKE? IS IT ANYTHING LIKE BEER, FOR EXAMPLE?"

SOMETIMES YOU "PICK UP" HUNTERS FOR NEXT TO NOTHING.

Dealer. "THERE NOW! YOU WANT A HUNTER. THERE HE IS. HE'S QUIET, WELL-BRED, AND LAW! WITH YOUR WEIGHT, HE'S UP TO ANY HOUNDS, AND AN UNCOMMON CLEVER FENCER!"

Sporting Gent. "OH! COME NOW! THAT WON'T DO. I'VE HEARD OF A 'ORSE DANCING; BUT I'M NOT SO JOLLY GREEN AS TO BELIEVE A 'ORSE CAN FENCE, YOU KNOW!"

A LUCID EXPLANATION.

Passenger. "SIXPENCE! WHY, IT'S MARKED UP THREEPENCE!"

Conductor. "YES, SIR. THREPPUNSE WHEN YOU DON'T GET IN BETWEEN CHARING CROSS AND THE BANK, OR FROM TUESDAYS TO MILE END DOWN TO THE GATE BY UNGERFOD, OR EDGER ROAD TO BLACK LION LANE OR RATHBONE PLACE AND BLACKWALL RAILWAY—OR ELSE YOU MUST GET OUT AT ST. PAUL'S CHURCHYARD, OR YOU CAN GO TO PIMLICO ALL THE WAY IF YOU LIKE—BEYOND THAT DISTANCE—IT'S SIXPUNSE!"

PERFECT SINCERITY, OR THINKINGS ALOUD.—No. IV.

Genius. "BY THE WAY, DID YOU GLANCE OVER THAT ARTICLE OF MINE ON 'THE INTELLECT OF WOMAN, AND HER SOCIAL POSITION?' I DON'T CARE TWOPENCE ABOUT YOUR OPINION; ONLY IF YOU CAN SAY SOMETHING FAVOURABLE OF COURSE I SHALL BE PLEASED."

Common Sense. "WHY, I TRIED IT, BUT UPON MY LIFE I FOUND IT SUCH CONTEMPTIBLE RUBBISH, THAT I COULDN'T GET ON: AND, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I THINK THAT A SNUG LITTLE THING IN THE CHEESEMONGERING LINE WOULD BE MORE IN YOUR WAY THAN LITERATURE."

Genius. "AH! YOU MUST BE A FOOL!"

THE AGONY COLUMN.

"I WISH, MISTER, YOU WOULD BE SO GOOD AS TO STOP THE PRESS AND PUT THIS IN A GOOD PLACE (reads): 'Hemily, Don't delay, but return to yer broken-arted Adolphus, or there's no knowing what may be the consequence!!!'"

THE INFLUENZA.

"THIS IS REALLY VERY KIND OF YOU TO CALL. CAN I OFFER YOU ANYTHING—A BASIN OF GRUEL, OR A GLASS OF COUGH MIXTURE? DON'T SAY NO."

AN IMPOSSIBILITY.

Gent. "WAITER! CHOP AND A PINT OF STOUT; AND LOOK SHARP."

Waiter. "OH, YES! IT'S ALL VERY WELL TO SAY LOOK SHARP."

BACHELOR HOUSEKEEPING.

Mr. Brown. "PRAY, JANE, WHAT ON EARTH IS THE REASON I AM KEPT WAITING FOR MY BREAKFAST IN THIS WAY?"

Jane. "PLEASE, SIR, THE ROLLS ISN'T COME, AND THERE'S NO BREAD IN THE HOUSE!"

Mr. Brown. "NOW, UPON MY WORD! HOW CAN YOU ANNOY ME WITH SUCH TRIFLES? NO BREAD, THEN BRING ME SOME TOAST."

[Exit JANE in dismay.

MISUNDERSTANDING.

Railway Porter. "FIRST CLASS, SIR?"

Unfortunate Oxonian. "NO! PLUCKED!"

PLEASANT!

Affectionate Little Wife (who has made many abortive attempts to fathom the secrets of Freemasonry). "WELL, BUT DEAR! TELL ME ONE THING, DO THEY PUT YOU INTO A COFFIN?"

INSULTING A SCOTCHMAN.

Boy. "HERE YOU AIR, SIR! THREE PAIR O' TROWSER STRAPS FOR SIXPENCE."

THE MAN IN BRASS LAMENTING THE DECLINE OF THE LORD MAYOR'S SHOW.

THE BETTING FEVER.

ONE OF THE EFFECTS OF THE BLACKGUARD BETTING OFFICES.

Sporting Character. "I DON'T EXACTLY LIKE ROBBING MASTER, BUT I MUST MEET MY ENGAGEMENTS."

PEPPERING A GENT.

Conductor (very loud). "GO ON, BILL; HERE'S THAT UGLY OLD COVE, WOT ALWAYS KICKS UP SUCH A ROW, AND MAKES HISSELF SO DISAGREEABLE, JUST GOT IN!"

Driver. "OH, HAS HE? I'VE A DOOCED GOOD MIND TO PITCH HIM OVER, AND BREAK HIS STUPID OLD 'ED!!"

GAMMON.

Ostler. "PLEASE TO TAKE 'IM GENTLY OVER THE WOOD-PAVEMENT, SIR; FOR HE'S WERRY FRESH THIS MORNING."

EVIL COMMUNICATIONS.

(AFTER A GREAT DEAL OF COAXING AND PERSUASION, MASTER TOM IS PREVAILED UPON TO PAY HIS QUARTERLY VISIT TO THE DENTIST. INCONSIDERATE AND VULGAR STREET BOYS UNFORTUNATELY PASS AT THE MOMENT HIS OBJECTIONS ARE OVERCOME.)

First Inconsiderate Street Boy. "OH CRIKEY! IF HERE AIN'T A CHAP GOIN' TO HAVE A GRINDER OUT. MY EYE, WHAT FANGS!"

Second Inconsiderate Do. Do. "OH, I WOULDN'T BE 'IM. WON'T THERE BE A SCR-E-W-A-U-N-CH NEETHER!"

[And of course MASTER TOM relapses into his previous very obstinate state.

WHO WOULDN'T KEEP A FOOTMAN?

DELIGHTFUL OUT-DOOR EXERCISE IN WARM WEATHER.

RUNNING AFTER "ANOTHER FOUR!" AT CRICKET, AMIDST DERISIVE SHOUTS OF "NOW THEN, BUTTERFINGERS!"—"OH! OH!"—"THROW IT IN! LOOK SHARP!"—"QUICK! IN WITH IT!" &C., &C.

A SMART YOUTH.

Old Gentleman. "BLESS MY HEART! THIS VIBRATION OF THE CARRIAGE IS VERY UNUSUAL! PRAY, MY LITTLE MAN, HAVE YOU ANY APPREHENSION OF ACCIDENTS ON RAILWAYS?"

Juvenile. "OH, NONE IN THE LEAST; AND ESPECIALLY WITH SUCH A FAT OLD BUFFER AS YOU TO BE SHOT AGAINST."

No. IV.—PREPARING FOR ACTION.

SPECIAL CONSTABLE DRYING HIS GUNPOWDER IN THE FRYING-PAN.

No. V.—RELIEF DUTY.

Special's Wife. "CONTRARY TO REGULATIONS, INDEED! FIDDLESTICKS! I MUST INSIST, FREDERICK, UPON YOUR TAKING THIS HOT BRANDY-AND-WATER. I SHALL BE HAVING YOU LAID UP NEXT, AND NOT FIT FOR ANYTHING."

No. VI.—IN ACTION.

Special Constable. "NOW MIND, YOU KNOW—IF I KILL YOU, IT'S NOTHING; BUT IF YOU KILL ME, BY JINGO, IT'S MURDER."

No. VII.—OUT OF WORK.

First. "TALK OF INTERRUPTION TO BUSINESS! VY, I GIVE YER MY VORD OF HONOUR, THAT WOT WITH THEM SPECIALS AND THE REGLAR CRUSHERS, I AIN'T SO MUCH AS PRIGGED A SINGLE HANDKERCHER FOR A VEEK."

Second. "OH, IT'S ENUFF TO MAKE VUN TURN RESPECTABLE."

Leader. "HOORAY! VEEVE LER LIBERTY!! HARM YOURSELVES!!! TO THE PALIS!! DOWN WITH HEAVERYTHINK!!!!"

Leader. "OH, SIR—PLEASE SIR—IT AIN'T ME, SIR—I'M FOR 'GOD SAVE THE QUEEN' AND 'RULE BRITANNIER.' BOO-HOO—OH DEAR! OH DEAR!!"

[Bursts into tears.

HEROISM.

JOHN THOMAS, THE BELGRAVIAN FLUNKEY, AS HE APPEARED WHILE THE MOB WERE BREAKING HIS MISSUSSES WINDOWS.

ADVANTAGES OF THE NEW POSTAL ARRANGEMENTS.

STUNNING POLITENESS.

LITERARY CHIT-CHAT.

"IS THIS A LIBERY?"

"YES."

"THEN LET ME HAVE THE LAST NUMBER OF HEMILY FITZ HOSBORN."

THE GREAT LINEN-DRAPERY NUISANCE.

First Linen-draper. "WHAT'S THE NEXT ARTICLE, SIR?"—Victim. "NOTHING MORE, THANK YOU."—Second Linen-draper. "WE'VE SOME SWEET THINGS IN SHAWLS, SIR—QUITE NEW."—Third Linen-draper. "ALLOW ME, SIR, TO TEMPT YOU WITH ONE OF THESE BEAUTIFUL HANDKERCHIEFS."—Fourth Linen-draper. "THESE DRESSES, SIR." &c.—Fifth Linen-draper. "HERE ARE LADIES' APRONS, SIR, MOST BEAUTIFULLY WORKED, QUITE ELEGANT, VERY TASTY, AND FASHIONABLE," &c.

[VICTIM resolves never to enter the shop again.

AN AMBITIOUS YOUTH.

Old Gentleman. "NOW, AUGUSTUS; WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE?"

Augustus. "I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD LIKE—BUT YOU WOULDN'T LET ME."

Old Gent. "WHAT IS IT—A LAWYER?"

Aug. "NO: IT AIN'T A LAWYER."

Old Gent. "A SURGEON?"

Aug. "NO."

Old Gent. "A PARSON?"

Aug. "NO."

Old Gent. "A SOLDIER?"

Aug. "NO."

Old Gent. "WHAT, THEN?"

Aug. "WHY—A CLOWN AT ASTLEY'S."

THE WEDDING-DAY—FIRST ANNIVERSARY.

PRESENTS—BEAUTIFUL BOUQUET OF FLOWERS FROM COVENT GARDEN, AND SUCH A LOVELY BRACELET!"

OXFORD COSTUME.

First Swell. "AWFUL SHIRT! EH?"

Second ditto. "YA'AS, LINEN'S SO DEUCED COMMON NOW—I'M GOING TO SPORT EMBROIDERED SILK."

First Ditto. "HAH! CHEESY IDEA TOO! BUT OUR GILLS WANT ELEVATING!"

THE WEDDING-DAY—FOURTEENTH ANNIVERSARY.

PRESENTS—BEAUTIFUL BUNDLE OF ASPARAGUS FROM COVENT GARDEN, AND THE NICEST DOUBLE PERAMBULATOR IN THE WORLD!!

NOT THE FIRST TIME.

"I BEG YOUR PARDON, MA'AM, BUT I THINK YOU DROPPED THIS."

A SPORTING GENT PRACTISING FOR THE HUNTING SEASON.

A CURIOUS PERSON.

MICHAELMAS DAY. THE CHEAP TAILOR'S GOOSE PROVIDES HIMSELF WITH A SHOOTING JACKET AND VEST.

"MUSIC HATH CHARMS," &C.

AMUSEMENT FOR A RAINY DAY.

Clara. "I SAY, GUS—COME HERE! STAND STILL AND OPEN YOUR MOUTH, AND WE'LL DROP CHOCOLATE INTO IT. WE'VE NOTHING TO DO!"

GUS. "ALL RIGHT, GIRLS! FIRE AWAY!"

[After an hour of this interesting occupation, Gus retires slightly uncomfortable.

POTICHOMANIA (THE ART OF DECORATING GLASS),

AS CARRIED OUT BY MASTER TOM DURING THE EASTER HOLIDAYS.